Hotel Life: A Suite Life Story
by ScruffyPinkConverse
Summary: Think SLOZAC, but for a more mature audience... Zack and Cody have moved into the Tipton Hotel in Boston, MA, at a time when puberty is beckoning. They deal with friends, peer pressure and especially girls. Now being co-written with BorisYeltsin!
1. Hotel Hangout

**SUMMARY: If SLOZAC had been aimed at an older demographic, it might have looked something like this… Zack and Cody have moved into the Tipton Hotel in Boston, MA, at a time when puberty is beckoning. They deal with friends, peer pressure and especially girls. The older guests have a hard time of it too…**

**DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own is the idea of making SLOZAC more 'mature' and 'realistic'. Disney owns the characters and the settings; it even owns some of the dialogue I use, you may recognise some of it. Credit to DarkElements10, from whom I have borrowed the idea of one episode per chapter.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains frequent swearing, implicit drug use, sexual references and very mild violence.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hotel Hangout<strong>

They had moved to a hotel in Boston, MA. It was posher than anywhere they had ever stayed, that was for sure. It was almost like living in an apartment.

Twelve year old identical twins Zack and Cody Martin had been shunted from state to state their entire lives but at last, they had found somewhere that felt like home. Now if only their mother could spend more time with them…

At thirty eight, Carey Martin was still attractive. Many of her admirers stated she didn't look a day over twenty one, which flattered her and disgusted their sons. She was also single, following a divorce from the fading rock star, Kurt Martin. After the divorce had been finalised, Carey had had a string of boyfriends, who Zack and Cody all hated. None of them lasted very long. An aspiring singer, Carey hadn't broken the music industry, something she was bitter about. She had resigned herself, then, to singing on cruise ships and swanky hotel clubs – like the one at Hotel Tipton, where she now resided.

Carey was lucky she had this gig – another month and she would have had to hand the boys over to Social Services and as bitter as she was about what life had given her, she loved her boys and would have done everything in her power to keep them with her had Social Services come knocking.

About a couple of days after the Martin family had moved in, Carey was straight into rehearsals. She sang on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights and rehearsed for a few hours during the week. Today, it was Wednesday afternoon and the twins had followed her into the lobby from their suite on the twenty third floor. They wanted a lift to the park but Carey was busy. She had told them at least three times in the elevator alone and the journey from the twenty third floor to the lobby was about thirty seconds long.

"It only takes about two minutes to drive there," Cody whined as they stepped into the lobby, which wasn't very busy for the moment. "Why can't you take us?"

Carey sighed in frustration. "Be_cause_, for the last _fucking _time, I have to learn new choreography." She ignored their whinging. "Mr Moseby's my boss and if he says I need to rehearse, I rehearse." She smirked as an idea came to her. "Maybe… the choreography will be something like _this_." She mimed shimmying down a pole, tossing her head back and licking her lips.

"Mom, stop that!" Zack hissed, moving his hands out as if to cover Carey up. "_Never _do that again, people are staring!"

"Don't even do it in private," Cody added, his eyes boggling in shock.

Carey snorted, still smirking. "I was joking, boys, sheesh." She started sheparding them towards the hotel entrance. "Go on now, scat. Go and play with your friends or something."

"We don't _have _any friends, Mom," Cody sighed. "We only started at school this week, remember?"

Zack nodded. "People pick on the new kids."

"Suck it up!" Carey frowned. "You can make friends at the park, now go! Jeez, it's not like we're gonna be moving anytime soon. This is a permanent contract I have."

"Not if you pole dance," Zack retorted. He spun around, mimicking Carey. He was about to suggest that the hotel catered for a different sort of clientele when he bumped rather hard into a table, which held an expensive, ornate vase. It wobbled and then fell of its stand.

"Oh fuck," Cody said. Zack spun around at the same time, just as a Mexican bellhop yelled "Shit!" and dived for the vase, from his position at the entrance. He caught the vase, but just barely.

"Don't fucking swear," Carey scolded.

"No swearing in the lobby!" came a stern voice from near the candy counter. It belonged to the manager of the Tipton Hotel – and Carey's boss – Mr. Moseby. At forty years old, he was still a bachelor, though not really eligible. He had no intention of settling down and getting married, preferring to be a workaholic. Some of his employers thought he was gay, although they never mentioned it to his face.

Mr. Moseby hurried over to the bellhop now, looking relieved that his precious vase had been saved. "Esteban, thank you. That was a good catch."

Esteban the bellhop got back to his feet, looking smug. He threw the vase high into the air, to horrified gasps from Mr. Moseby and Carey, and swearing from Zack and Cody. Esteban deftly caught the vase, winked at Carey, placed the vase back on the stand and resumed his place back at the entrance, whistling. Carey looked flustered.

"Cool!" chorused the twins. Mr. Moseby stalked over to Esteban and began telling him off. Carey took advantage of the twins' distraction by hurrying off to her rehearsal, leaving Zack and Cody alone in the lobby.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, Mr. Moseby left his office after talking to his boss and the owner of the Tipton Hotel franchise, Mr. Tipton, on the phone. The latter was calling about his spoiled heiress daughter, London.<p>

Mr. Moseby spotted London talking to Maddie, the 'candy counter girl'. London was wearing a coral orange, flowing halter top and coral pink trousers. _Her outfit could stop traffic_.

"London." Mr. Moseby approached the counter. Maddie quickly busied herself with work as London turned at the sound of her legal guardian's voice. She was heavily made up. Mr. Moseby was always saddened by London's obsession with cosmetics, amongst other materialistic pleasures. She was only fifteen; she had precious few years left of being a child and she should spend them wisely, in his opinion.

"I'd like a word with you," Mr Moseby began.

"Ugh, can it wait? I've, like, been invited to a premiere tonight." Without waiting for a reply, London started to leave.

"Hold it!" Mr. Moseby always tried to be patient with London but it was very taxing. "That's what I'd like to talk to you about. I've just had your father on the phone, who said that unless your grades improve, you are grounded. That means no parties, no premieres and _certainly _no shopping."

London gaped at Mr. Moseby. "Ugh! That is _so _unfair! What about Daddy's new wife? She's, like, allowed to drop out of college!"

Maddie was eavesdropping. London's life was always exciting and glamorous but she had no idea that Mr. Tipton had married _again_, and to a girl hardly older than her daughter, no less.

"That's different," said Mr. Moseby, although he did not say why. "He also insisted I hire you a tutor."

"Ugh," London sighed again. "I've, like, told him enough times, education and me _totally _do not mix."

Maddie couldn't stop herself. "Education and _I_," she corrected.

"Stay out of this, bitch," London snarled.

"London," Mr. Moseby warned.

London sighed. "Sorry, Maddie," she mumbled.

"Whatever," was the reply.

"Now, as I was _going _to say before you interrupted," Mr. Moseby resumed, turning to Maddie. "Madeline, you're a very smart girl. You can be London's tutor."

"No!" London burst out.

Maddie bit her lip. "I don't know, Mr. Moseby. I'm really busy, what with schoolwork and all the part time jobs I'm juggling. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but…" she trailed off.

"I'll pay you for it, of course," Mr. Moseby said.

"Deal." Normally, Maddie wanted nothing to do with London. In this case though, she needed all the money she could get, to support her family. What was a couple of hours tutoring between enemies?

* * *

><p>Thursday lunchtime saw Zack and Cody eating their lunch alone, in the corner of the yard in Buckner Middle School. They sat apart from the various cliques and ate their soggy sandwiches.<p>

"Wanna skip class?" Zack suggested.

Cody looked horrified. "No!"

"Dude, chill. I was just saying." Zack suddenly gasped. "The Drew Crew!"

"Huh?"

Zack nodded. The Drew Crew were the toughest crew in the twins' year, no contest. There were loads of rumours going around about them: they went to high school parties, they were dealers… Zack and Cody had even heard that Drew, the leader, knocked up a fifteen year old, although they weren't sure if this was true or not.

"They're so cool… I wanna hang with them," Zack said wistfully.

"Me too," Cody agreed, not as wistfully.

Drew and his crew walked past them. They might have ignored Zack and Cody if the former hadn't called, "Drew! What up, my nigga?" Zack held his fist out.

The Drew Crew stopped. Drew stepped forward. He had his hood up, presumably to make himself look tougher.

"What did you just call me?" He stepped towards Zack, who didn't say anything at first.

"I _said_, what did you just _call _me, clone?" Drew pushed Zack hard. Zack landed on his bottom and Drew spat at him.

"C'mon," he told his crew. They left, sniggering at Zack and Cody.

Cody helped Zack to his feet. "You wanna hang out with _them_?"

"Yeah," Zack huffed, slightly winded.

A boy and a girl had watched this exchange and had felt sorry for the twins. Now, the girl spoke up at Zack's words.

"Give it up, dude," she said. She dressed similarly to Zack, in combats and baggy shirts. "You don't wanna hang with them, they're a bad crowd. You're lucky they didn't stab you; that could be because metal detectors are up in the entrance though," she added.

"It's very therapeutic, getting stabbed," said the boy. He giggled and Zack and Cody looked at each other nervously.

"He's a glue sniffer," said the girl, like it was no big thing. "I'm Max, by the way. You must be Zack and Cody. This is Tapeworm; he was new here before you."

"Tapeworm?" Zack scoffed. "What kind of a name's _that_?"

"He ate thirty hot dogs in twenty seconds and got tapeworms. It was kinda nasty; he was crapping them out. Had to stay off school for, like, a month," Max explained.

"Cool!" said the twins.

"You're not bad," added Zack. "Wanna hang after school?"

Max didn't want to sound eager but she failed. "Sure!"

"No one's ever been nice to us before!" Tapeworm announced what Max didn't want to reveal. Neither Zack nor Cody knew what to say in response to this, so they ignored him. Max was used to Tapeworm's random outbursts; she just smiled at him and patted his arm.

* * *

><p>"It's so cool that you guys live in a hotel," Max said as they stepped out onto the twenty third floor.<p>

"Yeah, I guess it is," Cody said. The novelty had worn off somewhat since they'd moved. Zack and Cody stopped outside their suite and opened the door.

Carey had her back to the kids, so she didn't see them come in. She didn't hear them, either, as she was busy miming into a hairbrush and grinding to the music in her head. Her remaining hand brushed over the top off her chest and swept over her tummy.

"MILF!" Tapeworm muttered in awe.

"MOM!" Zack said loudly. Carey jumped and dropped the hairbrush. She readjusted her shirt, panting.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" Zack asked. Cody was in shock; his mouth was open and he was blinking hard. Tapeworm was doing the same but for different reasons.

"For your information, I was practising a dance routine," Carey said in a dignified voice. She noticed Max and Tapeworm. "See, I told you you'd make friends!"

"Mom…" Cody muttered in embarrassment, finding his voice.

"Whoa, is this yours?" Max asked, noticing the stereo by the wall.

"Yeah but I was just rehearsing -" Carey trailed off as Max turned it on and began break dancing to the hip-hop that Carey had queued up. Max's hat fell off, revealing pigtails.

"Whoa," said Cody, watching her dance.

"Whoa," said Zack, looking at her hair.

"Meh," said Tapeworm. Max only danced to show off. Tapeworm found it slightly annoying.

Carey clapped when Max finished. "That was amazing! That's what Mr. Moseby's looking for. Can you teach me some moves?"

"You don't mind, do you?" Max asked the boys.

Zack shrugged. "We can go play a video game," he suggested.

Cody and Tapeworm nodded and they left the girls to it.

* * *

><p>Maddie had taken a break from her shift at six; she had an hour to tutor London before it started again. If she hadn't taken on the tutoring job her shift would have run straight through from four until eight as normal. As it was, Mr. Moseby had broken her shift up to make it a little easier.<p>

She had ten minutes left now before her shift started again and so far, London had been nothing but insufferable. Not for the first time, Maddie wished her family didn't have financial problems.

"How's your research on Italy coming?" she asked, trying to sound interested.

"Eh," said London. "I've, like, placed an order for this _gorgeous _Italian dress. It, like, _totally _comes with a crocodile skin clutch, made from, like, real crocodiles!

_What a stupid bitch_, Maddie thought. "Have you done any research at all?"

"_No_," said London, in a tone that implied it should have been obvious. "That's, like, boring. I've been ordering clothes instead!"

Maddie finally gave up. "I'm off, my shift starts soon." She smiled to herself as she thought of the hot lifeguard who would almost definitely come over to the candy counter and order gum.

"What are you smiling about?" London asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Maddie said automatically.

"Who is he?" London asked slyly.

_Oh, what the hell_, Maddie thought. She had to tell someone who wasn't immediate family and London was as close to a friend as Maddie had. Sort of.

"Lance, the lifeguard. I like him but, like, he doesn't know I exist, know what I mean?"

London stared at Maddie. "Um, no. Guys throw themselves at me, like, all the time."

"Really?"

London nodded, smirking at the thought of knowing something Maddie didn't. "Yeah, see, you're, like, too eager and guys _totally _hate that. You need to play it cool, play hard to get. Like, tonight, don't show up then, when he next sees you, he'll be, like, obsessed with you." _What sane guy would be interested in _her_?_

Maddie was nodding. "OK, so… play it cool, right?"

"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen," London quoted.

"Cool, so that means I can go home early! I'll have to tell Moseby something's come up," Maddie planned.

"Uh huh." London was back online shopping and was paying no attention to Maddie's annoying, whiny voice.

* * *

><p>Zack and Cody were not expecting another run in with the Drew Crew the next day but as they were walking down the courtyard with Max and Tapeworm, Drew called out to the twins as they walked past.<p>

"Yo, clones!" Zack and Cody jumped and mentally braced themselves for another attack.

"Is it true you live at the Tipton Hotel?" Drew asked.

Cody frowned. "Who told you?"

"Tapeworm was telling everyone," Max announced sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Well, yeah, we do," Cody said redundantly.

"I don't believe you," Drew shot back.

"Our mom sings there!" Cody retorted.

Drew shrugged as if to say _so what? _"I heard they employ hot chicks to serve ice cream and shit by the pool in their bikinis," Drew said.

"They don't wear bikinis but they are hot," Zack spoke up.

"Naw, I still don't believe you," Drew said. He looked around, then beckoned the twins over to a quiet corner of the courtyard. "You better prove to me that you live there. If you don't…" He left the threat hanging.

"Fine, come with us after school," Zack said. "We can prove it."

"Alright." Drew started to walk back to his crew but changed his mind and returned to the twins. "Oh and, uh, don't invite those two," he indicated Max and Tapeworm, "They're not cool." Laughing slightly, he made his way back into school with his gang, leaving a confused Max and Tapeworm with and awkward Zack and Cody.

* * *

><p>Lance arrived at twenty five past four to start his shift. He noticed with relief that Maddie was back. He had gone down to buy his gum last night and she hadn't been there. She was so bangable. Underage, but bangable. He sniffed roughly and sauntered over.<p>

"Hey, I'll have some gum." He enjoyed the sight of Maddie jumping and becoming flustered at the sight of him.

"Oh, hey! Sure," Maddie replied breathlessly.

"So, uh, where were you last night?" he asked.

"Um…" Maddie remembered what London had told her last night. Would playing hard to get really work, or had London been tricking her? She had said it always worked… so how many guys had London had? She was only fifteen.

"I had other stuff planned," Maddie said, trying to sound aloof.

"Oh," Lance said. He knew exactly what Maddie was doing but he went along with it anyway. "So, are you going to have, like, other stuff planned tonight then?"

"Um…" Was Lance going to ask her out? "May-maybe, why?"

"I _was _gonna take you out for dinner after you finish work but if you're busy…"

"Erm, you know what? I can always cancel my other plans," Maddie said hurriedly.

"Sweet." Lance gave a lopsided grin and paid for his gum. "I'll see you tonight." He winked and walked off. Maddie watched him go, her heart beating fast, unaware that London had come out from an elevator and was giving her an odd look.

"My advice work then?" London smirked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah it did. Wow." Maddie felt very flustered.

"See? I, like, told you. So, like, what are you gonna wear?" London asked.

"Um, I dunno… um, jeans?"

London stared at Maddie again. "Ugh, you freak! Fine, just this once you can, like, borrow something from my closet. Wait there."

"I don't have a choice, I'm working," Maddie muttered to herself as laughter and talking erupted from the revolving doors.

Zack and Cody led the Drew Crew into the hotel. They could see a buffet table laid out with food samplers and, seeing no one around, they helped themselves.

"Man, this is _tight_!" Drew said admiringly as he grabbed some finger sandwiches.

"Can you pass the hummus?" one kid called down the table.

Mr. Moseby saw them as he was talking to a guest about special deals for tourists.

"Excuse me, ma'am." He strode down the ramp to the gaggle of kids. "Excuse me, this buffet sampler is only for guests who spend two thousand dollars a day. It is _not _for little children like yourselves."

"Aw fuck off, old man," Drew called. They all laughed and Mr. Moseby's mouth fell open in shock.

"Yo Cody, where's the pool?" Drew asked.

"Follow us, guys!" Cody cried and with a cheer, the gang headed to the elevators.

Mr. Moseby sighed. He had really not appreciated being sworn at and he really did not want Zack and Cody and their rowdy friends in the hotel at all; but at least they were out of his sight for now.

* * *

><p>Zack and Cody led the way up to the roof of the hotel. There were plenty of sun loungers, which a few of the kids grabbed; a sizeable Jacuzzi where some kids headed for, rolling up their pants as they did so; and a cabana where a member of staff handed out towels for a living. Lance has returned to his chair, still feeling pretty good about himself after scoring a date with Maddie. As no one was in any real peril, he decided to text his friends to brag about the pussy he was getting tonight.<p>

Zack and Cody settled themselves into sun loungers next to Drew, who was enjoying a massage. A pretty girl wandered over with ice cream and they all helped themselves. Like Zack had said, the girl wasn't wearing a bikini; she was in a dark green vest top and skirt to match the colours of the hotel. This didn't seem to bother Drew and his gang. Drew tried catching the eye of the girl serving ice cream but she was a good ten years older, so she ignored him.

Drew laughed as he dug into his ice cream. "Yo, this place is the _shit_," he proclaimed.

Zack and Cody looked at each other excitedly.

"I think he likes us!"

"Yeah, we're finally in with the cool kids!" Zack and Cody had never been considered popular in any of their previous schools – maybe because they were never there for very long. They had always been ignored because they were the new kids or because some of their peers had this weird stigma about identical twins for whatever reason. But now they were in with Drew, they felt almost untouchable. People would respect them at last. People would be intimidated, even.

Max walked out onto the roof, followed by Tapeworm. She didn't like how Zack and Cody were suddenly blanking her now in favour of guys who only liked them because they had access to one of Boston's swankiest hotels. _But maybe_, a part of her thought, _if Drew had accepted Zack and Cody, maybe he'll accept _us_, too._

It was worth a try.

Tapeworm had wandered over to the ice cream girl, who now had an empty tray. "Hey, where's all the ice cream gone?"

Drew sniggered, prompting sniggers from those around him but thankfully, not from Zack and Cody. Drew didn't respond to Tapeworm, _which is what I would have done, to be fair_, Max thought. She looked over at the nearby Jacuzzi, where two guests were climbing out. What better way to get to know people than in a Jacuzzi?

She nudged Tapeworm and nodded to the Jacuzzi. "How about a quick dip?" she asked in a loud voice.

Drew was out of his chair immediately and into the Jacuzzi, his cronies following suit. Zack and Cody weren't too far behind and soon Drew's Crew and the twins had managed to fill up the Jacuzzi, leaving no room for Max and Tapeworm.

_They're not going to accept us_, Max realised. It was still worth a try, though.

"Hey, budge up, guys," she said.

"Awww." Drew turned around and smirked. "Why don't you play with the babies in the baby pool?" It wasn't particularly mean but Max flushed with hurt all the same.

"I wanted ice cream," Tapeworm sulked.

"Oh – they sell it at the cabana over there," Cody said helpfully. Zack frowned at him slightly as Max and Tapeworm headed off. Being friendly towards a glue sniffer and a rumoured lesbian weren't going to score any points with Drew.

Luckily though, he seemed to think that Cody had sent them off for a different reason. "Good thinking, let's ditch 'em. C'mon, guys." Drew and his crew started to get out of the Jacuzzi.

"Cool, I'll just tell them -" Cody began, before Zack hit him.

"OW!"

"Dude," Zack hissed. "We're ditching them. They're not cool anymore. They're freaks."

"It'll hurt their feelings though," Cody protested, looking back helplessly as they followed Drew's Crew towards the elevator.

"Dude," Zack said again. "D'you really think they _have _feelings? Tapeworm's a druggie, he only cares about himself and when he's gonna get his next fix, he doesn't give a shit about us; and Max is a selfish dyke bitch," he added harshly, before looking to see if Drew was listening.

Cody sighed, torn. He liked Max and Tapeworm, they seemed like genuinely nice people, despite their problems. On the other hand, didn't he and Zack long for popularity? They certainly wouldn't get it if they continued hanging out with Max and Tapeworm. Cody turned back towards Zack and the others and followed them into the elevator.

* * *

><p>Carey saw them only a few minutes later, on her way to rehearsals. The lobby was packed with kids, much to the chagrin of some of the older guests.<p>

"Hey!" Carey called as she passed her boys. They were at the buffet table, helping themselves to food. It seemed Drew's Crew – not to mention several more kids from their year, who had turned up at Drew's insistence – had ignored Mr. Moseby asking them not to eat from the table.

"Hey," Zack replied.

"You've got popular," Carey remarked, staring around the lobby.

"Yo Zack," Drew called over. "More finger sandwiches?" He pointed to his empty plate.

"'K," Zack replied.

"Moseby's not going to be very happy," Carey said. Indeed, since the arrival of more kids, Mr. Moseby had been torn between booking guests in while the receptionist was on a break or going over to confront Zack and Cody.

"We were thinking of moving them out of the lobby anyway," Cody replied. Carey nodded and continued more quickly to rehearsals.

"Yo," Zack said, making his way back to Cody. "I asked Drew if he was gonna get more people round and he laughed and said not today."

"Thank God," Cody sighed. "I was thinking we move them back upstairs, to the games room? It'll get them out of Moseby's way."

Zack looked over at the manager, who was getting increasingly agitated. "Good idea." He raised his voice so that the kids could hear him. "Alright, listen up!" It took him a while before everyone had stopped what they were doing. "Follow us to the games room!"

The kids whooped and followed Zack to the elevators. He looked over at Mr. Moseby, who looked relieved that all those children would be out of his sight for the rest of the day.

* * *

><p>Maddie was in two minds after her date with Lance, which had just finished. She had planned to go home and think about it but London had texted her before the date, telling Maddie to see her afterwards.<p>

She was at the door to the penthouse suite. She rang the doorbell and London answered a minute later.

"Date finished?" she frowned. Maddie nodded and London dragged her in, down the hall and through a door into her living room, where they sat on her pink couch.

"Tell. Me. Everything," she demanded.

"Oh! Um, well…" Maddie began hesitantly. "He's nice and everything and the food was nice but… I don't think it's gonna work."

"Why not?"

"Um…" Maddie squirmed. London stared at her almost coldly.

"He tried having sex with me!" Maddie blurted. She blushed bright red.

London shook her head slightly, uncomprehending. "And?"

"And I'm _so _not ready! How do I tell him?" Maddie cried.

"I dunno. I've, like, _always _had sex with the guys I've dated. Isn't that, like, what everyone does?"

Maddie shook _her _head now in disbelief. "No!" Her cell phone rang. The caller ID said Lance. "Shit! It's him! What do I do?"

London sighed. "OK. If you really, like, don't wanna have sex with him then you, like, totally dump him."

"I can't," Maddie whispered. "I-I don't know how."

"Oh. My. God." London stared at her. "Are you, like, a retard? Tell him you're _totally _not into him. You, like, _have _to end it if you're, like, gonna be frigid."

Maddie tried not to look hurt. She pressed answer, wondering what to say. "Hey Lance!" she chirped, trying to sound cheerful.

London's doorbell rang again. She left Maddie, that socially awkward bitch, and went to answer the door.

It was Moseby. "London!" He looked genuinely pleased to see her. "Working hard?" What the hell did he mean? Was Maddie meant to be, like, tutoring her or something right now?

"Um… yeah!" It was the right answer; Mr. Moseby beamed.

"Wonderful! I just need a quick word with her." He made to go inside but London stopped him.

"Um, she's, like, in the middle of a _totally _important phone call."

Mr. Moseby frowned. He'd thought she had been lying about studying. "London, I've just had your father on the phone again. He says this time that if you flunk on _any_ test between now and next summer, you'll be attending parochial school."

London didn't know what parochial meant but she knew that Maddie went to one of those schools. She _really _didn't want to see Maddie at school. She could barely avoid her at all as it was.

"Ugh! Fine!" She slammed the door in Moseby's face and stormed back to the living room. Maddie had evidently come off the phone; she was looking shocked.

"I can't believe I made another date with him!" she moaned.

"Get over yourself," London snapped. "_I've _just been told that I, like, might be going to parochial school if I flunk anything!"

"Well, maybe if you worked hard and applied what remaining brain cells you have, that won't be a problem for you!" Maddie shot back.

"Yeah? Well, if it, like, means not seeing _you _more often, then I'll _totally _start doing that, bitch!" London said.

"Fine!" Maddie was pissed off. She saw London's math book and threw it at London. It narrowly missed knocking her out. "You've got a math test tomorrow; you better study hard!"

"Fine! And FYI, maybe if you got laid last night, you, like, _totally _wouldn't have this problem with Lance!" London yelled as Maddie loudly saw herself out.

* * *

><p>It was dinner time. Normally Zack and Cody would be tucking in to burnt whatever but not this time. Tonight, they were entertaining what seemed like half the seventh grade but really was only about ten kids.<p>

"This is going so well!" Zack grinned. Cody's stomach rumbled as it digested the ice cream from earlier. He still felt guilty for ditching Max and Tapeworm yesterday but he wasn't going to tell Zack that.

As Zack stood, staring around the room in delight, Esteban the bellhop came in.

"Zack, Cody!" He hurried over. "I have a message from Mr. Moseby.

"What?" Cody asked.

"He says your friends need to leave the premises immediately. He says he tolerated them yesterday by the pool but no more!" He bowed slightly and left. Cody had known this would eventually happen. Zack, however, looked nonplussed.

"But they're our friends! We can't make them leave!"

"They're _not _our friends. They're not even _Drew's _friends. These are just the hangers on," Cody reminded his brother, indicating with a spread of his arm.

Zack sighed. "Now what?"

"You deal with these lot," Cody planned. "There're still some on the roof, I think it's Drew's Crew. I'll talk to them since you can't say no to Drew, you queer."

Zack scowled and shoved Cody hard. He regained his balance and left, stopping only to flip Zack the bird.

* * *

><p>Lance smirked when he saw Maddie. She had her back to him and was reaching up to a high shelf. He glanced at her ass and his smirk widened. He'd do her tonight, for definite. He twitched at the thought and began to walk over.<p>

Maddie heard him whistling. _Shit!_ She froze with her back to him. _I need to end this_. She felt him tap her lightly.

"Hey." She turned, smiling falsely. She let him kiss her, rather longer than she'd have liked.

"So," Lance began. "How about we hit the Jacuzzi?"

It was now or never. "We need to talk." Maddie hadn't meant for it to sound harsh but it was too late now.

Lance frowned. "Why? Is something the matter?" He leaned forward to kiss her again but she moved away.

"Yes, there is." She took a deep breath. "I can't see you anymore Lance. This isn't working." Maddie turned away, with red cheeks and her heart thumping, so she couldn't see Lance's reaction.

He had never been dumped before, he usually did the dumping. The frigid bitch! He didn't say that to her face though, he respected women enough for that. The stupid slut, she didn't have the guts to look him in the eye when she'd dumped him. He sighed angrily and stormed off back to his shift, almost knocking over London as she walked in.

London didn't notice Lance, she was too busy being smug. She saw, with a hint of schadenfreude, Maddie, with her head in her hands. She almost went straight for the elevator but something stopped her. If it hadn't been for that geeky bitch she would've flunked. London growled under her breath and went to see Maddie.

"Hey." Maddie's head shot up but when she saw it was London she relaxed.

"Oh, hey." There was an awkward silence as they remembered their row last night. "So, um… how did your math test go?"

"D plus!" London held up her marked paper. "I, like, passed but only just. Daddy's pleased but he said I could, like, totally do better."

"Well done!" Maddie smiled but it was still awkward between them both.

"Yeah." London wasn't looking at her.

"Oh! Um… I just broke up with Lance," Maddie said, attempting to restart the conversation.

London looked at her sharply. "Broke up? Were you two even, like,_ properly _going out?"

"Maddie blinked. "Um, no but…"

"Whatever." London walked off. Maddie was _so _infuriating, trying to be friends with her. _Does she, like, not realise I don't like her? _London thought. She grew more irritated when the elevator doors opened and a stream of kids ran out just as she was about to get in. London swore under her breath. Sometimes she _really _hated this fucking hotel.

* * *

><p>Cody raced onto the rooftop. Quite why he was in a hurry, he didn't know.<p>

There were two kids in the Jacuzzi, as well as Drew's Crew, who were playing basketball. Cody decided to deal with the two kids first.

"Hey guys! Sorry to say this but you need to leave," Cody announced. The two kids looked at Cody for a second before resuming their conversation. Cody sighed. "There's a heated swimming pool with two water slides at the St. Mark's Hotel across the road." He highly doubted that this existed in the rival hotel but it had done the trick and got the kids out of the Jacuzzi, dragging their clothes and towels behind them.

_Now for Drew_, Cody thought. He mentally steeled himself for possible assault and racial slurs against white people.

Fortunately, Zack arrived on the scene. He was always the better talker.

"Everyone downstairs is gone," Zack reported. "How about up here?"

"It's just Drew and his crew left."

Aw, man." Zack looked over. "OK, Drew's still cool with us, he won't take it bad."

_Wanna bet? _Cody thought.

"Yo, Drew!" Zack called. Drew looked looked up from his basketball game and grinned.

"Hey, clones! Wanna play?" He indicated the limited space they had.

"Actually," Zack began. "It's kinda time for you all to leave."

Drew smirked. "We're in the middle of a game here."

"Sorry but we were told all kids who aren't guests here need to clear out," Zack said.

Drew laughed and shook his head. His gang laughed too. "Man, you guys need to lighten up. We'll leave in our own time."

"No!" Cody burst out, annoyed at Drew's attitude. "That doesn't work for us! We're sick of you using us just to get into the Tipton, so you can have access to the food and the Jacuzzi and the games room and the girls. _That's _why _you _need to leave _now_!"

Drew had stopped laughing. "Man, I thought you guys were cool -"

"No you didn't!" Cody retorted. "Like I said, you only liked us 'cause of all this." He spread his arms out for emphasis. Everyone on the roof had fallen silent.

"Yeah? Maybe you're right. Actually, no, wait – you _are _right. No one in their right minds would wanna hang out with you dumb fucks anyway – that's why you hang out with those two loser druggie _shits_." Drew and his crew laughed again. "C'mon guys, let's go."

As Drew started to leave, he casually threw the basketball behind him. His aim had been powerful though and the ball smacked into the aerial that stood on top of the hotel. It fell, knocking out the TV, radio and Internet reception and causing the wires that were held in place to come apart from the loops securing them.

"SHIT!" came the response from Zack, Cody and many of the guests as they froze in shock.

* * *

><p>Mr. Moseby was not happy. Fortunately, Carey was heading towards him on her way to rehearsals. He would have a word with her about her boys and what they had done over the last couple of days and she could think of a suitable punishment for them.<p>

"Carey!" She stopped and smiled vaguely.

"Make it quick, I have rehearsals."

Mr. Moseby gave her a stern look. "I've had to use hotel staff to round up the mob of kids your children call friends, who have been running amok in my hotel for the last couple of days. I am not best pleased."

"Hmm." Carey frowned slightly and was just about to hopefully reveal the boys' punishment when there was an almighty crash and several screams from nearby.

"What the _fuck_?" Carey cried as she and her boss turned to look out of the window. They didn't even need to move to see the aerial dangling by its wire, swaying dangerously in front of the hotel just inches off the ground.

* * *

><p>"Fuck! I can't believe we <em>broke <em>the hotel!" Zack said.

With Cody's help (Drew's Crew and the remaining guests had fled the scene) he had grabbed the end of the wire so the aerial wouldn't take what was left of the wire with it. Now the twins were heaving and straining with the effort of trying to pull the aerial back up. It was a wonder that they hadn't gone over with the aerial, Cody thought.

"Need some help?" came a dry voice from behind. It was Max. She and Tapeworm stood watching Zack and Cody struggle.

"Please," panted Cody. Max and Tapeworm walked forward and grabbed hold of some wire.

For a while the four of them didn't talk; the effort it took just to pull the aerial back up using the end of metres and metres of wire was too great. If they had talked, Zack and Cody would have apologised for ditching their two true friends, who in turn would have confessed to overhearing their fall out with Drew.

What he had said _was _true; Max and Tapeworm _were _loser druggie shits and they cared about it a lot. In a way, Max was glad Zack and Cody hadn't stuck up for them; any denial of Max and Tapeworm would have been a lie, anyway.

"What the _fuck _is going on here?" Carey had run onto the roof. She looked livid. "When I told you this was your home, I meant treat it with respect, not fucking destroy it every chance you get!"

"Help! Please!" Zack groaned. His arms felt like they were going to drop out of their sockets. Carey sighed but went to help.

It took a couple of hours but the five of them eventually pulled the aerial back up. None of them could explain how they got the strength to do that. There wasn't a lot they could do afterwards except to leave it in the hands of the TV cable company, which meant that TV, radio and the Internet would have to remain down for a while.

* * *

><p><strong>A FEW DAYS LATER<strong>

Normal service had resumed at the Tipton Hotel. Zack and Cody had been very lucky that Mr. Moseby had decided not to press charges against them for damaging the hotel. The aerial had come close to knocking out random pedestrians, to say nothing of guests entering or leaving the hotel. The damage it could have caused to traffic had the situation been worse was unthinkable.

Drew hadn't been so lucky. Thanks to the number of witnesses on the roof, he _was _charged with dangerous vandalism. Zack and Cody didn't know what his sentence had been but it was probably a lot worse than cleaning out the Jacuzzi for two weeks, while Max and Tapeworm – who they were friends with again – watched them on sun loungers, eating ice cream.

* * *

><p><strong>I reply to reviews. (:<strong>


	2. The Fairest of Them All

**SUMMARY: The Mini Miss Beauty Pageant is being held at the Tipton Hotel this year! While Zack unsuccessfully tries to flirt with the girls, one girl in particular catches Cody's eye and he will do **_**anything**_** to get her to notice him.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains swearing, underage drinking and very mild femmeslash.**

**DISLAIMER: See Chapter One or my profile. I don't believe in putting up disclaimers more than once; I find it annoying to see it every time I read a new chapter.**

**A/N: A traverse stage is a stage that looks like the letter T; most commonly found on catwalks.**

* * *

><p><strong>The Fairest Of Them All<strong>

Carey had picked Zack and Cody up from school today. It was Friday, so she had a bit of down time before her show that night.

Whilst on the bus back, they had got onto the subject of cycling. As they headed up the steps to the hotel, Carey mentioned the boys' bikes, which they had taken everywhere since buying them a few years ago in Colorado. "You could start using them. We just need to check the tires and maybe adjust the seats and handlebars and then you won't have to rely on public transport to get about! Or me," she added.

"Mom, our bikes suck. We need new ones," Cody explained.

"No you don't! They're perfectly fine," Carey said airily.

"Mom, they're practically tricycles," Zack said. They were in the lobby now.

Carey stopped and turned to the twins. "Look, I'm sorry but I can't afford to buy new bikes at the moment. You'll have to suck it up. Unless you want to spend the next couple of months starving, you'll have to make do with your current bikes. I need to go get ready." She left Zack and Cody in the lobby as she headed for the elevators.

"There's nothing to do!" Zack whined. "We can't _always _afford public transport! And this place is shit; there's nothing to do here." The novelty of living in a hotel had worn off completely about a couple of days ago.

Cody wasn't one to believe in coincidences; those only happened on TV. As Zack was bemoaning the loss of entertainment at the Tipton, the automatic doors had slid open and a large group of girls of various ages had walked in, chatting amongst themselves and wheeling suitcases behind them. Cody noticed a particular gaggle of girls, who all looked about his age. He was struck dumb at how pretty they all were. Something inside him told him to alert Zack. Another voice told him not to bother.

Cody jerked forward and turned Zack around. "Look!" He pointed.

Zack gasped. "Oh. My. God!"

Life at the Tipton had taken a turn for the better.

* * *

><p>For both Zack and Cody, the arrival of the Mini-Miss Beauty Pageant brought about the arrival of puberty. Both of them started sweating, their hearts palpitating; a rush of blood shot straight to their once limp penises and they hardened instantaneously. Zack and Cody stood panting like dogs at the oblivious, chattering girls.<p>

Brianna was one of those girls. Back home, her family were the definition of 'trailer trash' but for the last few years, she and her mom travelled the country so Brianna could partake in various beauty pageants. Unfortunately, she hadn't won any but this year's Mini-Miss could change all that.

Brianna and her mom elbowed their way to the check in desk. The man who was serving looked up and assumed a polite smile.

"Welcome to the Tipton Hotel. How may I help you?"

"I need to speak to the manager of this establishment," said Brianna's mom, ringing the desk bell for good measure.

The man inclined his head. "Marion Moseby, the manager of this hotel, at your service."

"Maryann," Brianna's mom began, not noticing his wince. "My daughter Brianna here is the favourite to win this year's Mini-Miss Pageant, her third one since starting to compete in pageants. We sent you a list of the stuff we require – I do believe the technical term is a rider."

"I've already started working on it – uh, a foot roller and a high wattage make up mirror?"

"Thank you," Brianna's mom smiled sweetly. "Oh and might you direct us to the nearest Arby's?"

"Our concierge, Irene, will be happy to provide you with a map of Boston," 'Maryann' replied, his tone dismissing them. When they had gone, Mr. Moseby made a note to himself to check nothing had been stolen from Brianna's suite when she checked out.

In the time that Brianna and her mom had been talking to Mr. Moseby, Zack and Cody had pulled themselves together. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot they could do about their erections, so they both tried to ignore them.

"Dude, we should score some dates!" Zack said excitedly.

"I dunno," Cody said uncertainly. "They're only here for the weekend."

"It's not gonna be a serious thing!" Zack insisted. "Dibs on the blonde," he added seriously, nodding towards the buffet table.

"So," said a voice next to Brianna. She looked up to see a smirking blonde boy who looked to be her age. "If I guess your name, do I win a kiss?"

"Ew." She wrinkled her nose at him in disgust and walked off.

"Nice going," Cody called to Zack.

"Piss off," was the response.

Carey heard that remark but did nothing about it. She had been side tracked by Maddie, whom she had never really spoken to. They both had the same views on beauty pageants.

"They're awful," Maddie proclaimed.

Carey knew what she really meant. "I know, I didn't win any either."

Maddie shook her head, smiling but without any pleasantness. "It's so degrading to young girls. They're promoting the idea that they should be treated as objects and rewarding them for being shallow and superficial." Carey nodded in agreement.

Maddie was about to launch into the next part of her lecture on pageants when London stepped from the elevator as if on cue. She was in a black gown and sash, wearing a tiara.

The pageant organiser gasped when she saw London. "London Tipton! Miss Mini-Miss 1999!"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Why am I not surprised?" She vaguely wondered if the sash and tiara were the same ones that London got in '99 and, if they were, how they still managed to fit her.

An exuberant, booming voice shook her from her thoughts. "London! _Dahling_!"

"Oh _fuck_!" Carey exclaimed. A passing Mr. Moseby frowned at her.

"Carey..."

"Sorry," she apologised. "I know that guy and I _really_ don't want him to see me." She felt compelled to explain. "We were bitter rivals on the cruise ship circuit and the things he'd do to get gigs... ugh!" She shuddered. "He is the lowest son of a bitch... sorry," she added hastily to Mr. Moseby. Carey made a dash for the elevators but too late –

"Carey?"

_Fuck_. Carey summoned her best fake smile and spun around, her arms outstretched.

"Carey! It _is_ you!" The man, dressed in colourful shades of pink, also had a fake smile as he strode towards her with his arms aloft.

"Tim!" Carey cried through gritted teeth. They didn't hug as they stopped just short of each other. Instead, they kissed the air a few inches away from the other's cheeks.

"Mwah! Mwah!"

They stepped back to look at each other. Tim looked just as smarmy as ever. It looked like he had taken to wearing sunglasses indoors. He took them off now to look at Carey.

"Ugh!" he exclaimed. Carey raised an eyebrow and he hastily covered his tracks. "I am so jealous of you right now, you look _fabulous_!"

_Liar_. Carey smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you, Tim! You look..." She struggled to even make up a compliment, so she left it at that and waved an arm vaguely at his torso. "Yeah."

Tim's smile faltered for a split second. "What the _devil_ are you doing here?"

"I work here."

His smile turned patronising. "Good for you! Turned your back on the music industry and become a _maid_, have you?"

"No!" It came out sharper than Carey had intended. She wasn't going to stoop to his level. She cleared her throat and tried to smile once more. "I, uh, I headline here, on weekends. Very good pay and they've given me and my boys a suite, free of charge!" she finished proudly.

Tim's smile turned into a bitchy smirk. "Ah, of _course_. May I give my belated congratulations?" He paused to eye her body; his gaze lingered on her hips. "And you need not worry; I'm sure you'll get your figure back... eventually." His smirk grew wider and his eyes twinkled with triumph.

Carey's smile disappeared. She was very insecure about her figure and Tim knew that. When they had been duet buddies for a few years, he had told just about every one of her drastic attempts to lose weight. The absolute worst, though, was when he had told their boss one night and she had been told to clean out the toilet she had been sick in.

Of course, Carey knew _Tim's_ insecurity and it wasn't nearly as serious as her weight and body image fears. Casually, she said, "I just _love_ your hair, Tim. Where _did_ you buy it?" She asked this last question very clearly, with a sweet smile.

Tim looked around anxiously and subconsciously stroked his toupee. He didn't want people to know he was bald. He glowered at Carey and stalked off without a word. She watched his go, stifling her laughs.

A quick glance over at the boys told her they were talking among themselves at the entrance. She smiled, happy that they weren't causing trouble and headed back to the suite to get ready for tonight's performance.

Unbeknownst to Carey, however, was what Zack and Cody were discussing. The former was detailing his plans on asking one of the girls out to the latter.

"I overheard her telling another girl that she's from Rhode Island," Zack hissed excitedly. "That's not far from here, is it?"

"Only about an hour away," Cody guessed.

"Cool, cool," Zack nodded his head. He nudged Cody and said "Wish me luck! I probably won't need it." He headed over to the Rhode Island girl.

Cody sighed. How did Zack know what to say to girls? The two of them had started _really _noticing girls about five minutes ago. How did Zack know what to say to them all of a sudden?

Cody decided to go back to the suite. He'd look at girls some other day. As he turned, he knocked into someone who had just walked in.

"Oh! Sorry!" Cody said automatically. He looked up at the person and his heart missed a beat.

She looked to be his age. She was very pretty, wearing soft pink and white. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders and the colour of it almost matched her big, brown eyes.

Cody's mouth had gone dry. His trousers felt even tighter now, if that was possible. Later on, he would think about this pretty girl and discover his first premature ejaculation. He drew a shaky breath.

"It's my fault," the girl replied graciously.

"N-No." Cody was blinking rapidly. He licked his lips nervously and tried to talk. "Mine. Didn't see…"

"Yeah," said the girl, looking uncomfortable. Cody blinked again and squeezed his eyes shut. By the time he opened them, the girl was hurrying to the check in desk without a backwards glance.

Cody felt like shit. It could have been so different if he hadn't fucked it up. If only he had Zack's rhetoric…

Zack rejoined Cody at that moment. "Dude, all the girls here are snobby, stuck up bitches. It's not worth it. I'm going to play Manhunt."

"She isn't," Cody replied before he could stop himself. Now Zack would charm her and she'd fall for it and date him. Cody wouldn't even get a look in, he just knew it.

"Who?"

"Her." Cody nodded reluctantly towards the girl he'd failed to strike up a conversation with.

Zack tried to raise an eyebrow but ended up raising both. "Go for it, she's not my type." Cody felt relieved and his body drooped slightly, as though it had had a great weight taken off it. "What's her name?"

Cody's relief vanished as quickly as it had come. "I didn't ask," he replied gloomily.

"Well, let's go over and ask her now!"

It hadn't occurred to Cody to go over and ask her name. He felt quite stupid for not thinking of it first. He agreed and they began to head for the girl. Unfortunately for them, Mr. Moseby saw what they were doing and hastened over to put a stop to it.

"Stop. Right. There!" He held out his hands and the twins had no choice but to stop. "I know what you're going to do; don't think I haven't noticed your attempts to talk to those young ladies! They are here for an important competition – which, incidentally, brings in a lot of revenue to this hotel – and they _certainly _do not need harassing by two pubescent boys."

"But –" Cody began.

"I mean it! No fraternising with the contestants –" Mr. Moseby gave them a stern look, "– for the duration of the weekend."

"Maryann!" came a voice. Zack and Cody turned to see an ample, blonde woman with her arms clasped around a portable toilet, hurrying towards Mr. Moseby.

"Maryann," Brianna's mom panted. "Do you know where I can dump my Porta Potty?"

"Certainly, madam, right this way. Remember what I said," he added to the boys as he took the Porta Potty from her hands. If Mr. Moseby was disgusted by the smell coming from it, he didn't let it show on his face.

* * *

><p>The first round of the Mini-Miss Beauty Pageant was to start at ten o'clock Saturday morning. The contestants had got up early and were busy getting their hair and makeup done by nine.<p>

Cody had also woken up early, determined to ask that girl from yesterday her name and then to ask her on a date. He'd gone to the local 7-Eleven, dragging a disgruntled Zack with him and had found the cheapest but nicest flowers he could buy.

Now, after following the girl at a safe distance, they had found the pageant dressing room, which was just a small room behind the stage in the lounge. To Cody's delight, the girl from yesterday was in there; however, he had a suspicion he wasn't going to be allowed in there, so he elected to wait outside, just in case the girl had to leave to use the bathroom.

Zack wasn't best pleased. "Dude, how much longer?"

"Until she comes out for whatever reason!" Cody whispered, pacing up and down the small stretch of carpet.

"What if she doesn't leave?" Zack pointed out.

Cody hadn't thought of that option. He quickly tried to think of an alternative. Just as Zack had opened his mouth in triumph, Cody had a solution.

"I'll just wait until she does." Why hadn't he thought of that before? His brain must not be functioning properly.

It was Zack who heard it first. "Right this way, please… If you give me just one minute, I'll go check on the contestants."

_Shit! _"It's Moseby!" Zack hissed. Cody snapped out of his reverie.

"Oh no, what are we gonna do? We're not supposed to be near the girls!" He looked wildly around for a place to hide.

"I know _that_, shit-for-brains. We have to hide in here, we've got no choice. C'mon!"

* * *

><p>The dressing room was packed with fully made up girls in extravagant dresses and over the top hair extensions, with their mothers fussing over every inch of them. As they were busy chatting and stressing out (in some mother's cases), they didn't notice Zack and Cody rush in and choose their hiding place: behind a rack of dresses.<p>

As Zack struggled to get comfy, Cody was scanning the room for the girl. He saw her in a corner, looking pretty in a rose pink gown, with a matching Alice band in her wavy hair. Cody's heart thumped. He _had _to talk to her, Moseby's threats be damned! He had clambered out from behind the rack and was walking towards her before his brain registered what he was doing.

Zack could only watch in horror. Even with all the noise going on, if he hissed at Cody to get back, they would be spotted. He sat, frozen, praying that his twin would come to his senses.

"Knock, knock!" It was Mr. Moseby. Even though there was no door to the dressing room – just a pair of heavy blue curtains which had been pulled back now that the girls were changed – he tactfully waited with his back to the entrance.

In the dressing room, Cody had jumped with fright. Logic dictated that he should go back to the hiding place – and then what? Sit and watch as the girl walked out of his life forever? He _had _to talk to her! He looked wildly around and saw an empty seat, with a dress on it. He hopped on, held the dress to himself and, seeing a blonde hairpiece on the dressing table in front of him, put it on for added authenticity. _How convenient._

"Come on in," Brianna's mom replied to Mr. Moseby.

Cody didn't dare look as Mr. Moseby walked around the room, peering at the girls and nodding his approval. Cody ducked his head, praying that Moseby wouldn't come over and scrutinise _him_…

"Splendid! You all look so pretty!" Mr. Moseby hadn't seen him, thank God. He was just planning how to talk to the girl when the pageant organiser from the lobby last night hurried in.

"Curtain in ten, girls! Come on, now, places!" The girls hurried to the wings, including _the _girl. _Shit. Now what?_

The moms wished their daughters good luck and followed Mr. Moseby out of the room in glee. Cody, not knowing what to do, sank lower in his chair, hoping he wouldn't get noticed but no such luck.

"Uh, young lady! Why are you not in your dress?" Cody glimpsed the disapproving glare of the pageant organiser and looked away quickly. She walked up and looked at the sticker on the dress.

"Number Eleven… you're in the first group!" she cried. She prised Cody out of the chair and flung the dress at him. As she stooped to find something on the dressing table, she paused. "Is that… a _hair _on your lip?"

"I hope so!" Cody muttered, pleased. He didn't notice the pageant organiser had a pair of tweezers in her hand until it was too late.

"OW!"

* * *

><p>His upper lip was still hurting as he waited in the wings, ready to go on. He hadn't expected to be taking part but if it got him closer to the girl, then he didn't care.<p>

Cody barely noticed Number Ten, Tiffany, rushing back into the dressing room. Nor did he hear Tim, announcing the modelling competition will end with Number Eleven, Miss Tyreesha Jones, before breaking for lunch. He felt the pageant organiser's hand on his back, though, as she forcefully shoved him onto the stage.

Cody felt the heat of the stage lights as he looked into the packed lounge. The three judges were sat down on one side of the traverse stage. Next to them was London, who was looking at him, puzzled. For a split second, he wondered why she didn't recognise him – then he remembered the hair piece, which made him look like he had a bob, not to mention the makeup he was caked in and the extremely uncomfortable dress.

He smiled widely and began to walk down the stage. _How can girls walk in these things? _He stumbled and out of the corner of his eye he saw London wince and the judges writing something on their clipboards. _Just relax, it'll be over soon_.

"Tyreesha enjoys marine biology and her hero is George Washington…" Tim paused for effect. "Carver!" That earned some smiles.

Unbeknownst to Cody, Zack had extracted himself from the dressing room when Cody and the pageant organiser had left. He had let himself into the lounge, not bothering to be quiet because of the loud cheers from the pageant moms. Now he was staring up at Cody in disbelief. _What the fuck is he doing? _He glanced at the board advertising the pageant and did a double take.

GRAND PRIZE: $2,000.

Two thousand dollars? That was enough to get two really good bikes! With money left over! He fought the urge to shout out loud and instead left the lounge in contemplation about possible bikes he could get.

"Number Eleven, Miss Tyreesha Jones!" It was over. Cody tried not to break into a run as he headed for the wings. Spontaneously, he turned at the last minute and blew a kiss to the audience, who clapped appreciatively.

* * *

><p>Cody hurried back into the dressing room, which was full of girls in various states of undress. Unusually, he wasn't paying that any attention; he just wanted to get out of the dress. But he had to wait until everyone had gone first.<p>

To his joy, the girl hurried over to him, carrying _his _bouquet of flowers! "Hi, Tyreesha! My name's Rebecca. I just wanted to say that I thought you were really good out there." She wasn't wearing her pageant dress anymore.

"Th-thanks!" Cody thanked God that his voice hadn't broken recently.

"I didn't see you yesterday, when we were checking in. I'm sure I would have remembered you!" Rebecca continued, smiling at Cody. She was unaware that Cody was sweating and also, that his erection had returned.

"Uh…" Cody had no time to think of an excuse. "I… I was late arriving. Traffic, y'know?" He giggled in what he hoped was a girlish giggle.

"Oh," Rebecca nodded. "So, you live in Boston?"

"Yeah," Cody replied. "This is my first year at a pageant," he added. Rebecca nodded, seeming very interested.

"Oh, well in _that _case, I'm _sure _they'll let you off. Y'know, 'cause you tripped," came a snide voice. It was the blonde girl Zack had tried to hit on last night. "Oh, wait," she continued, in a tone of mock remembrance. "They won't."

Cody didn't know what to say. The blonde girl turned to Rebecca.

"Y'know, Rebecca, I just _love _your dress!" Rebecca smiled widely, as did Cody. "Yeah," said the girl, "It's _just _long enough to hide those tree trunks – sorry, _legs_." She smirked.

Cody had to really fight the urge to punch the blonde girl in her smug face. He swallowed, took a deep breath and tried to say calmly, "Why can't we all be friends? Isn't that the point of this, to make friends?"

The girls looked at Cody oddly. "Really? Are you _that _dumb? You _are _new." She walked out of the room and Cody watched her leave, trying not to follow her and hit her. It was most unlike him to think violent thoughts. Zack was usually the 'punch first, ask questions later' guy.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," Rebecca said quietly. "I thought that too, you know, the whole 'making friends at pageants' thing. But everyone else is being really bitchy, even the moms." She brightened up as she looked at the flowers. "I found these on my dresser!"

Cody had no recollection of putting the flowers on Rebecca's dresser. He must have dropped them when Mr. Moseby had walked in. _Wait, no I didn't… I put them on the table in front of me and someone must have seen that they were for Rebecca and moved them._

"Oh! They're really pretty," Cody replied.

"I know! I just _wish _I knew who sent them," Rebecca sighed.

Cody thought fast. "Oh, my brother, uh, Cody did! Y'know, showing support and all that."

Rebecca smiled. "Awww, your brother is so sweet!"

"Hello, _ladies_." Zack had walked in. He looked pointedly at Cody, who blushed.

"Hello,_ Cody_," he replied to Zack, just as pointedly. He shot Zack a look that said_, work with me here. _He turned back to Rebecca. "This is my brother, Cody. Speak of the devil!" He gave his girlish giggle again.

Zack look confused for a split second. "Yeah, hi! Nice to meet you!"

"Thanks _so _much for the flowers!" Rebecca smiled.

"No problem," Zack lied smoothly.

There were sounds of a scuffle from outside, which drew everyone's attention to the corridor outside.

"Oh God! That's my mom," Rebecca groaned. "I gotta go see what it's about." She hurried out of the dressing room, pushing through the crush of people at the exit.

When everyone had left, Zack turned to Cody, who was quickly trying to get changed.

"Dude," Zack said.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't tell her who I really am!" Cody gabbled, almost tearing the itchy pantyhose he was wearing in his attempt to get it off.

"Not that! I meant, do you know what the prize is?" Zack said excitedly.

"No."

"Two _thousand _dollars! Think of the bikes we could get with _that _kind of money!"

Cody, who was in the middle of pulling his jeans on, stopped with them halfway up his legs. He still had his dress on. "What?"

"Two. Thousand. Dollars!" Zack said emphatically.

"I heard you!" Cody finished pulling up his jeans as he spoke. "I'm just not doing it." He glanced at the exit to see if Rebecca had come back in. She hadn't, so he finished his train of thought. "I need to pull out of the pageant and then I can go back to being Cody! I can't ask Rebecca out as Tyreesha."

"She might like Tyreesha asking her out, though!" Zack grinned.

Cody looked at him. "I just can't do it, OK?" He fumbled around, searching for the zip on the back of the dress.

"Tyreesha!" Rebecca had come back in. Cody froze. "Sorry, I couldn't help but hear you. You _have _to stay in," she pleaded. "You're the only nice person here; I don't think I can get through this pageant without you." She took Cody's hand and his heart skipped a beat. "Please?"

"OK," Cody said at once. Rebecca smiled.

"Thank you!" She hugged Cody, who, once again, thanked God that he was still in a dress; Rebecca wouldn't be able to feel his erection.

* * *

><p>The preliminary rounds of the pageant were over for the day. A few girls had not managed to get through to the final stages, which were going to be held tomorrow. Those girls had gone home, crying, with their mom's reassuring them, while at the same time cursing the obviously rigged pageant.<p>

Cody had spent most of the afternoon in his room, waiting for Carey to leave the suite. When she did, he had rushed into the bathroom to try and scrub off the last of the makeup, while Zack looked on, amused.

When Cody emerged from the bathroom later that evening, it was to find Zack looking at a baby pink bolero on a hanger, which Cody had been given by the pageant organiser. The rest of the outfit was hidden in the boys' room.

"Done in there?" Zack asked.

"Just about; that makeup was hard to get off."

"Don't use so much next time, then, I dunno." Zack shrugged.

"It wasn't me who put it on! It was Bev, that pageant organiser."

"Whatever." The phone rang. Zack dumped the bolero on the couch and went to answer it. "Hello…" He paused while whoever was on the other end spoke and then glared at Cody. "Yeah, she's here, hang on."

It must be Rebecca! Or someone else from the pageant. Cody rushed over and Zack handed him the phone like it was a hot potato.

"Hey Rebecca!"

"Tyreesha, hi! How are you?"

"Fine, I was just taking the last of my makeup off." Cody was finding it much easier pretending to be a girl now. "Bev put _so _much on me; I looked like a tramp!"

"Aww, no you didn't Tyreesha, you looked pretty!"

Cody beamed, though Rebecca couldn't see.

"Listen," Rebecca continued. "Brianna – you know, that blonde girl who was bitchy to us – is having a slumber party and she's invited us. If you go, I'll go! What do you think?"

"Sure!" Cody replied.

"Awesome! I'll see you soon, Tyreesha! Bye!"

"Bye!" Cody put the phone down, grinning broadly.

"What did she want?" Zack asked.

"She asked me to a slumber party," Cody sighed happily.

"What?" Zack walked over and slapped Cody around the face to snap him out of it. "You can't go!"

"But Rebecca will be there!" Cody said.

"Listen to me: You. Can't. Go!" Zack was surprised that the tables had turned: he was now the voice of reason, while Cody was obsessing over a girl and not thinking straight. _Seriously? _"For one thing, your cover will be blown: everyone's gonna see you're not a girl! And two: you need to stop being Tyreesha. Drop out of the pageant and watch Rebecca tomorrow as _Cody_. This is getting beyond a joke now."

"I can't!" It was slowly dawning on Cody just how deep he'd gotten. "I _have _to be Tyreesha; I promised Rebecca I'd go!"

"Ring her back and tell her you can't! And then tomorrow, spread it around that Tyreesha's gone. She'll never have to know!"

Cody stared at Zack. He didn't understand… if he just dropped Tyreesha, Rebecca would never notice him. He would go back to being plain, boring Cody, who couldn't talk to girls. He could only talk to Rebecca as Tyreesha.

"Look, forget about the bikes, dude," Zack continued. "We'll save up or something. They're not that important."

Cody shrugged. Carey walked in at that moment, causing him to jump and rush to the couch, hiding the bolero under a cushion as he did so.

"Hey, guys," Carey called.

"What about your show?" Cody blurted out.

Carey looked at him. "Relax, Cody. I've just come to get ready and go. It doesn't start for an hour and a half. Anyway, what are you guys doing tonight?"

"Uh, I might be going out," Cody said.

Carey turned around. "Without Zack?"

"Mom, we can _do _things on our own," Zack replied, rolling his eyes.

"I know, I know! It's just weird, is all." Carey's eyes narrowed suddenly; she walked over to Cody and bent down. "Is that… lipstick?"

_Shit! I thought I'd taken it all off! _"Uh…"

"Yeah," Zack jumped in. "I put it on while he was taking a nap."

"_What_?" Cody said, confused. Carey mistook it for shock and she straightened up to face Zack.

"That wasn't nice," she said simply. "Go and wash it off Cody. Oh and, just so you know, that isn't your colour."

Cody blushed and Zack smirked, as Carey headed to the kitchen to start dinner.

* * *

><p>Cody peered out from the janitor's closet into the corridor. When he was confident that no one was around (there was only an abandoned maid's cart in the middle of the corridor), he slipped out and closed the door behind him.<p>

He was dressed in a red all in one pyjama suit, which had been taken from the pageant's wardrobe, with blue slippers and the blonde hairpiece he had also taken from the dressing room. He even thought about putting on some makeup but decided against it.

Carey had asked a lot of questions about where he was going. _A sleepover? At who's house? Why doesn't Zack come with you? Are you sure it's at Tapeworm's? I dunno, I don't trust Tapeworm… Don't do anything I wouldn't!_ Etcetera. The one night when she'd decided to be a nosy mother…

Cody arrived at Brianna's suite. She had the largest one on the sixth floor. He could hear Destiny's Child being played. _Why do I know that?_

He rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, Brianna's mom opened the door and looked him up and down.

"It's Tyreeta," she called disinterestedly.

"Ty_reesha_," he corrected but she wasn't listening. She had spied the maid's cart and was making her way towards it. Unsure of whether he should or not, Cody closed the door.

The remaining contestants were grouped around the couch in the centre of the room, each with her own sleeping bag and pillow. A few had teddies with them. Rebecca had turned when the door opened and she beamed upon seeing Cody.

"Tyreesha!" She patted the space next to her eagerly. "I saved you a spot!"

Cody grinned back, his heart, once again, beating furiously. He tried to casually walk over to Rebecca and succeeded but he rushed to sit down. Rebecca giggled.

"Oh, we're all talking about what we wanna do when we're older," Rebecca said.

"Cool! Can I join in?" Cody asked.

"Sure!"

Brianna cleared her throat at that point. She wanted to be in charge; it _was _her slumber party. "Fine, it's my turn now anyway. I wanna be a supermodel, of course." She rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna applying for modelling school as soon as I'm old enough." The girls all nodded, apart from Rebecca.

"Tyreesha," Brianna smirked. "You next."

"Um…" Cody couldn't think of a girl oriented career. He decided to tell them his current dream. "I wanna be a hockey player."

"Interesting," Brianna mused and for once it didn't sound condescending. The discussion dissolved naturally and the girls started doing their own thing.

"You didn't say yours," Cody pointed out to Rebecca.

"Oh, I did before you came in," she replied.

"What was it?"

"It's nothing special… I wanna be a veterinary nurse and hopefully, one day, open a free animal shelter for sick, abandoned and under privileged pets." Rebecca's eyes shone as she described it.

"That's… the most beautiful thing," Cody replied in awe. It was; the only downside was that now Cody had another, unexpected, unwanted erection. He tried to discreetly adjust his pyjamas.

Rebecca blushed. "Thanks. Yours was unique. I know you're probably the only girl in here who'd wanna get all dirty!" She smiled slightly.

"Yeah."

"That's why I do pageants," Rebecca said abruptly. "I need the money for grad school and I have to get it from somewhere. I'm also saving up for vet school, too." Cody nodded, not daring to speak in case he fucked it up somehow. He was entranced by her beautiful eyes…

"If you got the two thousand dollars, what would you spend it on?"

"Huh? Oh, um… my brother and I need some new bikes." He couldn't bring himself to lie to Rebecca. _You're pretending to be a girl; a tiny white lie wouldn't hurt in the grand scheme of things._

Rebecca seemed genuinely interested. "Cool! You're so different, Tyreesha. I like it." She smiled slightly again and leant forward to grab Cody's hand. The electric shock from her touch made Cody jump. Rebecca looked behind her to see what the others were doing, before she spoke again.

"I'm so glad we're doing this together," she murmured.

Something suddenly occurred to Cody, as Rebecca started leaning in some more. Could she…

The doorbell rang and they sprang apart.

"Just a minute!" Brianna called. Whoever was behind the door, however, ignored her and walked in. It was London, dressed for the slumber party but also wearing her sash and tiara, as though to remind everyone who she was. She carried a large teddy bear, which was also wearing a sash and tiara.

_Shit! _If London hadn't recognised Cody this morning, she probably would now that they were in closer proximity. He did the only thing he could do and dived into his sleeping bag. He didn't know what Rebecca would think of him now.

"We can, like, _totally _get this party started!" London cried and the girls cheered. "I've, like, got the candy counter girl to totally give us some snacks," London continued.

Maddie entered the room, looking less than impressed at her introduction. The snacks she had brought up weren't food but alcohol. She was also disgruntled at the fact she was serving alcohol to _minors_, London included.

"Snacks," she announced, setting the tray down. She took the stack of plastic cups, which had been rolling around on the tray and started setting them up, assuming that they would all pour their own drinks.

"You can, like, leave now," London said harshly.

"I can't, I have to bring the tray down," Maddie replied, as civilly as she could.

London breathed out quickly. She wanted that stupid bitch out of her sight. It was bad enough that she had to tutor her every other week (Moseby had cut down the days that Maddie spent tutoring her, thank God). She quickly took the bottles and cups off the tray and slammed them down onto the coffee table. She thrust the tray into Maddie's chest, almost taking her by surprise.

"Out," London ordered.

Maddie was humiliated. All the girls were laughing at her, it seemed; and now they were going to go away with the impression that that was how you treated hotel staff! She tried to leave what dignity she had left but in truth, that had vanished when London had shoved the tray at her.

London sighed once Maddie had gone. "Thank God, I, like, can't _stand _her." The girls giggled again and London felt satisfied as she poured them all drinks. Everyone took a cup, apart from a brunette in the corner. Snobby freak.

"Now," she began telling the girls what she had come here for. "The judges have, like, told me _totally _confidential information that I'm, like, not supposed to tell _anyone _about. Because I'm, like, returning royalty." She looked around at the wide eyed faces around her. "So I'm, like, gonna tell now!" she grinned.

"There are three girls who are, like, currently in the lead. They are Brianna," she paused to acknowledge Brianna's shriek of delight. "Like, _totally _no surprise. And Rebecca," she paused for her reaction. Rebecca – the snobby brunette who had not accepted a drink – squealed and hugged her pillow to her chest.

London ignored her lack of a proper reaction. "The third girl is, like, that weird blonde one who tripped up. Tyreesha something? I thought that was, like, _totally _weird because she was just _shit_."

Rebecca turned to Tyreesha in joy – only she wasn't there. Neither was her camouflage sleeping bag. Where had she gone?

At that moment, Cody was back in his own room, having avoided a narrow escape with London and then again with his own mother. He couldn't do this for much longer. He needed to come clean to Rebecca and tell her the truth. He also needed to pull out of the competition tomorrow, before the final show started.

* * *

><p><em>Electric bill, phone bill, pay-check. <em>Carey was running on autopilot this Sunday morning. She had to go shopping at some point; now that the boys had finished school for the summer they would be demanding snacks. _Room service bill? The boys are _not _to call them up anymore._

She was so busy thinking about her plans for the day that she almost ran smack into Tim in the middle of the lobby.

"Ooops! Watch where you're going, Carey!" Tim cried jovially.

"My apologies, Tim, I'm running on autopilot this morning," Carey smiled hugely.

Tim cocked his head to one side and smiled patronisingly at her. "You know, Carey, I'm _terribly _sorry about missing your show last night." He didn't sound it. "You know, I was _so _tired from hosting the pageant that morning and I just _had _to reorganise my sock drawer.

_Liar. _Carey tried very hard not to look offended and her smiled widened. "That's OK, Tim. I'm sorry I missed your, uh, star turn yesterday at the pageant. You know," she added, on a mischievous whim. "I did _three _encores last night! You obviously must have heard of them, it's when _good _singers have to perform _again _after their set, because the audience _loved _them!"

She was aiming far, far below the belt; she had received more encores than Tim and he knew it. The fact was, Carey was the better singer in terms of actual talent and hard work, while Tim progressed by doing many, many favours for his potential bosses.

Tim's smile faltered but he regained it quickly. "Well, Carey –" She was saved from his bitchy comeback by the pageant organiser, Bev and Mr. Moseby, who were approaching.

"Ms. Martin!" Bev cried. "What a brilliant show last night; I loved it!"

Carey smiled. "Thanks."

"I was thinking how _wonderful _it would be to sing in the pageant this afternoon. I know it's terribly short notice but you only have to learn one song and the lyrics are very simple." She handed Carey a piece of paper, which had the lyrics printed out.

"I would be delighted," Carey beamed. Mr. Moseby gave a rare smile.

"Splendid, Carey," he said. "Oh, Bev," he began abruptly. "You forgot to mention –"

"Oh, of course! The song is meant to be a duet, so would you and Tim…?"

"It would be an _honour_, Bev." Tim bowed. Carey almost threw up at his smarminess.

"Carey?" Mr. Moseby prompted. He sent her a look, reminding her of the business this pageant brought to the hotel.

"Of course!" Carey gave another fake smile and Bev grinned in pleasure.

"Wonderful! You'll have to start rehearsing now, I'm afraid; time is of the essence!"

_Well, there goes my Sunday_, thought Carey, as she reluctantly set off for the lounge after Tim, following another hard stare from Mr. Moseby.

* * *

><p>Being the professionals that they were, Carey and Tim had the song word and pitch perfect by the pageant. The remaining contestants formed two lines down the side of the stage, bobbing in time to the music, with vapid smiles on their faces as they waved.<p>

When Carey wasn't singing (they shared a line of the song each) she kept glancing in the direction of one particular girl. Tyreesha was very striking, with prominent cheekbones and blonde hair. Her makeup was a bit excessive, though. Carey peered harder at Tyreesha. She looked familiar –

She almost forgot the next line to the song but only just. As the song drew to a close, Tim leapt in front of her and almost shouted the last line.

"She'll be our Universal Min – i – MISS!" He ended with a ridiculous pose that wouldn't look out of place on Mick Jagger. Carey quickly stood back to back with him, holding her arms out and beaming. The audience clapped and cheered and the girls curtsied before quickly making their way to the wings.

* * *

><p>Cody ran straight for the dressing room. That had been a narrow escape; Carey had almost recognised him. She had certainly been looking at him funny, all the way through that stupid song.<p>

He was the only one in the dressing room. He hadn't managed to pull out of the pageant; he had attempted to tell Bev but she hadn't been listening.

He wasn't even going to try now. All the way through the song he had been bobbing but he hadn't be waving or smiling. _The judges may pick up on that. _He'd had the good fortune to be placed behind Rebecca, which had been nice.

He sat, brushing his hair piece, just in case anyone happened to walk in. He had a funny feeling about Rebecca but he wasn't quite sure what it was about her.

"Next up in our talent competition is Brianna, demonstrating baton twirling!" He heard Tim announce.

Marching band music started and the audience clapped, meaning Brianna had walked on stage. Cody's 'talent' was going to be singing a piece of classical music. He didn't which piece it was, though and he couldn't exactly sing. He was concerned about Brianna, though; he couldn't exactly tell _her _to throw the pageant as well. Then again, it had been implied by several of the pushy pageant moms that Brianna hadn't won a single one.

Something clattered on the stage and the audience gasped. There was a scream of frustration from Brianna.

"You fucking piece of _shit_!" The audience gasped again and a second later, something heavy sounding thumped to the floor.

Brianna stormed into to the dressing room and Cody looked away hastily; she was in the middle of unbuttoning her blouse.

"_Momma_!" Her voice could still be heard in the lounge. Brianna's mom appeared at her side, clutching a blue cowboy hat.

"Brianna, sweetie, don't cry. There's always the Miss Glitz pageant in Florida in a few months!" At this, Brianna burst into tears.

Cody felt really awkward. He didn't know what to do; Tim was now in the room, supporting Bev, who had apparently fainted from the shock of hearing Brianna swear. Cody was glad Carey wasn't here.

Eventually, Brianna and her mom had left the dressing room, with the former now wearing her normal clothes. Bev had been given a drink and Tim was downing a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. None of them had appeared to notice Cody, who was still looking away.

When Bev felt up to it, she returned to her seat, with Tim following soon after.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Brianna has hereby been disqualified from the Mini-Miss Beauty Pageant." Some applauded at this. "This is down to her inappropriate language, which was very unprofessional. We will break for ten minutes and resume our competition with our two remaining girls – Rebecca and Tyreesha."

The audience talked to each other as the sounds of general movement drifted through to Cody, who was starting to feel nervous. _What if it all goes wrong? What if _I _win?_

"Hey," came a voice from the edge of the dressing room that led to the wings.

It was Rebecca. Cody felt much better at the sight of her. "Hey."

"I just wanted to say good luck. Or break a leg. Whichever."

"Thanks."

Rebecca moved further into the room. She looked shy. "Um… can I tell you something?"

"Sure." Cody's suspicions from last night flooded back, stronger than before. _Please, God, no…_

"Um… you deserve to win the pageant," she said in a rush.

"Oh!" Cody felt relieved. _I still have a chance! _"No, Rebecca. You do. I mean, _you're _using the prize money for something… well, _life-changing._ I just want a new bike."

Rebecca giggled. She had moved closer to Cody. She smiled sweetly at him, before dropping her gaze to his lips. She moved so close that there wasn't a lot of distance between them. Cody's relief vanished as quickly as it had arrived.

Rebecca kissed him and grasped his arms with her hands. Cody stood there, with his eyes open. _Oh crap. Oh fuck. _

Rebecca pulled away and smiled at him. "I'll see you after the pageant. I need to go on in five minutes." She twinkled her fingers at him and left the room.

Cody hadn't been listening. His brain had gone into shock. He stood there, eyes wide, feeling like shit. _She's a lesbian…_

"Dude!"

_Now what? _Zack had entered the room, inexplicably carrying his skateboard. "Why haven't you pulled out? It's too late now, though, you may as well win this thing and use the money for bikes."

Cody found his voice. "No. I'm throwing the competition." _Why should I now, though? _"Rebecca needs the money more than I do."

Zack stared at him. "You pussy! Girls have made you soft in the brain, my man. Seriously, though, go out and _win this thing_."

"No," Cody replied, his voice rising slightly before remembering that Rebecca was standing a couple of metres away. "I'm throwing this competition and you can't stop me."

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Mini-Miss Beauty Pageant! Please welcome on to the stage, Rebecca, demonstrating juggling!"

* * *

><p>Rebecca finished her juggling to applause and a few cheers. She curtsied, beaming. Everything was going so well! In the finals of a beauty pageant for the first time; not to mention that she had just kissed Tyreesha!<p>

She skipped off the stage and went to sit with her proud mother.

"Last but not least, ladies and gentlemen, we have Tyreesha, performing an aria by Bizet's Carmen." Tim smiled and waited for Tyreesha to walk onstage. When she didn't, it was then that he saw a hand holding out a scrap piece of paper. He read it quickly.

"Oh… ladies and gentlemen, there appears to be a programme change; Tyreesha will now be performing a _new _talent!"

Bizet's Carmen started but instead of Cody walking onstage, it was Zack that rolled on, on a skateboard.

Zack had, in the end, stripped Cody of his hair piece and pageant outfit and pushed him forcefully into a cabinet. Having secured it with a broom that was lying around, he donned the wig and clothes and wrote the aforementioned programme change. He was damned if Cody was going to throw the competition!

Zack started skateboarding the length of the stage, to initial gasps from the audience. Once he started doing tricks, though, they were clapping and cheering.

"Ty-riffic!" Tim said, a little jealous that this young girl was getting more audience reaction on a skateboard than he had as compere.

* * *

><p>Cody saw the cabinet doors open. A girl who had been eliminated from the competition was holding the broom, staring at him bemusedly.<p>

"Where's Za – I mean Tyreesha?" he asked.

"She's onstage." There had been no need to tell him that, though – Cody could hear the cheering and applause clearly. He headed for the stage, determinedly.

Zack had just pulled off a spectacular finale, which had seen him leap over the judges' table, land back on his skateboard and hop back onstage. He was busy waving at the crowd and grinning when he suddenly got tackled from behind.

"You _bastard_!" Cody yelled. "You're ruining Rebecca's chance at the crown!"

Cody knew that Rebecca couldn't possibly compete with Zack's triumphant display, so he did the only thing he could think of – he pulled the blonde hairpiece off Zack's hair.

There were several screams of horror as the crowd gasped once again; Bev fainted again. Tyreesha was a boy!

"OH MY GOD!" This was from Carey, who had been up in her suite getting changed for most of the pageant. She had quietly let herself back in about fifteen seconds before Cody had charged at Zack and thus, had barely seen what had been happening.

"What the _fuck _is going on _now_?" It dawned on Carey, as she hurried onto the stage, that if this and the self-dubbed 'Aerial Incident' a couple of weeks ago were anything to go by, she wasn't going to be having a quiet life in the hotel.

"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary," came the voice of Mr Moseby, who had also stepped onstage. "Zack and Cody are attempting to ruin this hotel completely. Oh, but one of them is in a skirt."

Tim decided to get involved in the drama. This had been the most eventful pageant he had ever hosted. "Ladies and gentlemen, Tyreesha is disqualified from the competition!" The audience clapped. "Rebecca is this year's Mini-Miss!"

Rebecca made her way on stage, not looking at Zack or Cody. Tim, in place of Bev who was still out cold, crowned her; put her sash on and handed her the shiny, silver trophy. Rebecca didn't stay to wave to the audience; instead, she walked around Zack; Cody; Carey and Mr Moseby and went backstage.

Carey didn't see the crowning. _Oh God, I've been a horrible parent. Zack wants to be a girl! What the fuck do I do?_

"Zack," Carey began and then swallowed. "Why… why are you in a… a skirt?"

"So I could win money for me and Cody to get new bikes," Zack replied.

"Oh, thank _fuck_," Carey sighed, relieved. Mr Moseby looked at her sharply; he was expecting her to punish the twins.

Tim suddenly remembered Bev and hurried off to revive her. Rebecca's mom, realising that her daughter probably wasn't going to come back out, hurried to the dressing room.

All in all, it was a bizarre end to a very memorable pageant.

* * *

><p>Cody sat in the lobby on the first day of the summer holidays and watched the girls leave the hotel. Brianna and her mom were at the check in desk, complaining about something to Mr Moseby.<p>

He had lost his chance with Rebecca. _I probably didn't have one to begin with._ She had left with her mom already, determined not to look in Cody's direction.

"Hey." It was Zack.

"Hey."

Zack fidgeted awkwardly. "I'm sorry that I ruined it for you and Rebecca. I saw her blank you."

"I didn't have a chance with her anyway. She likes Tyreesha, not me," Cody explained dully.

Zack was struck dumb for a second. Then he began to laugh.

"Seriously? She was a _lesbian_?"

"Shut up, man," Cody groaned, putting his head into his hands.

"Oh _dude_, your first crush turned out to be a _muff muncher_!" Zack was literally bent double, struggling to breathe.

"_Zack_!" Cody smacked him hard on the back of the head.

"OK, OK, I've stopped." Zack straightened up, rubbing the back of his head but still giggling slightly. "Oh well, better luck next time."

Cody shrugged.

"Oh and if there _is _a next time," Zack began. "You can't just ignore me and be all over the chick. Bros before hoes."

"Works for me."

* * *

><p><strong>I forgot to mention this in the last chapter but you can follow me on Twitter; my username is ScruffyConverse. The link is at the top of my profile. (: <strong>


	3. Maddie Checks In

**SUMMARY: Maddie meets the hot Jason Harrington at the hotel and they hit it off. Maddie is suddenly introduced to the hedonistic high life by an uncharacteristically nice London. There's just one problem: Jason thinks Maddie is rich. Being an honest girl, she is only to willing to set him straight but she is encouraged to play along with the lie. When Zack and Cody become involved, Maddie's lie threatens to reveal itself.**

**PAIRINGS: Maddie/Jason; one-sided Zack/Maddie.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains swearing; underage drinking; underage sex; implicit drug use and implicit graphic violence.**

* * *

><p><strong>Maddie Checks In<strong>

After the Mini-Miss Beauty Pageant the other week, Mr. Moseby was enjoying the relative quiet of the hotel. He was of two emotional states: he was happy that the Tipton was back to normal but on the other hand, he wasn't happy about the fact that he had lost a very good source of business.

How long had it been since the hotel had first started hosting the pageant? Whatever it was, it was ruined. As she had been leaving, Bev – the pageant organiser – had told him, in no uncertain terms, not to expect business from the pageant again. And it was all Zack and Cody's fault.

Mr. Moseby suppressed a shudder and tried, yet again, to push the incident into the back of his mind. The boys were grounded – well, they had been. However, they were behaving themselves for once. _Long may it continue._

A clatter in front of Mr. Moseby startled him. He looked up from his position behind the front desk to see two young men smirking at him.

"Hey," said the first young man. He had dark hair and his smirk looked almost evil. "Uh, one room; single beds for one night, please."

Mr. Moseby was taken aback by his manners; he was a bit disappointed in himself, though, for judging two books by their covers.

London had been sitting near the candy counter when she saw the boys walk in. _Fucking hell! _She hurried to the candy counter but Maddie wasn't there.

"Where's Maddie?" she asked rudely to Zack and Cody.

"She's on her break," Zack replied perkily. In his mind, he was trying to sound like a clerk on duty. "But while she's gone, we're not allowed to handle transactions; accept money or touch the merchandise!"

London looked at him. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, my ex, Kyle Lawford has, like, just _totally _walked in with Jason Harrington and I need you, to, like, gloss me."

"We're also not allowed to talk to potential customers, except to say that Maddie will be back in five minutes," Zack replied cheerfully.

"Fuck _off_!" London sighed and tapped her nails on the counter.

"Here she is," Cody said in relief; he didn't like to talk to London if he could help it. He had done a pretty good job of avoiding since he and Zack had moved; they had heard things about London.

Maddie walked over to the candy counter and Zack's smile widened. The reason for Zack's mood was, simply put, that he had a crush on Maddie. Cody rolled his eyes. Ever since that Brianna girl, Zack was now getting crushes on pretty blondes; Maddie was the latest in a long line of crushes that had only lasted for a day. The crush on Maddie had lasted nearly two weeks, however.

London turned to face Maddie. "There you are! Listen, I need, like, a _huge _favour."

"What is it?" Maddie asked warily.

"Gloss me." London snapped her fingers at Maddie, as if she was little more than a servant. Maddie wasn't surprised by London's rudeness but was flattered that the latter had asked her for a favour.

"No; do it yourself."

"Bitch," London shot back. "Oh and, by the way, don't flatter yourself that I, like, _like _you or anything." She licked her lips hastily and rushed over to her ex.

"Kyle?"

The guy in question turned.

"London! Wow!" They hugged awkwardly.

"Wow, it's been, like, two years!" London commented.

"I know, right?"

While Kyle and London caught up, his friend, Jason, noticed Maddie. _Wow. She is _hot_. _He made his way over to her.

"Hey." Maddie turned and stared at the handsome, blonde and definitely older guy whose arm was extended in greeting. "My name's Jason," he continued.

"Oh, um… My name's Maddie." _Smooth_. She shook his hand. There was an awkward pause.

"Um… do you come here often?" She asked. _What a stupid question. Of _course _he doesn't._

"No. Me and Kyle are on semester break. We're staying here overnight while our parents follow us out from Aspen," Jason explained. "After that, we're heading to Bermuda."

Maddie nodded. Of _course _he was rich. What was she expecting?

"How about you?" Jason asked.

She sighed. "It's like I live here," she replied dryly. Jason took her seriously.

"So, Kyle," London was saying. "Are you, like, here for the Usher concert?"

"Um, no." Kyle laughed. "I didn't know he was playing, actually; I would have got tickets."

"Oh, don't worry about that." London tapped the side of her nose and winked. Kyle smirked back at her. _God, I wanna fuck her so hard…_

"Um, well, I've gotta go. I was supposed to be finishing up here but you distracted me!" Maddie laughed.

"Oh, sorry about that," Jason apologised.

Maddie waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it. See ya."

Zack had been watching Maddie talk to Jason and he was more than a little jealous. He ran to catch her on her way out of the hotel.

"What's the deal with you and preppy boy?" he blurted out.

"Who, Jason? Nothing," Maddie said. "He's rich and I don't date rich guys. They're too arrogant and selfish."

"How do you know?"

"Well, look at London."

As Zack and Maddie looked over, they saw and heard Jason talk to Kyle.

"Hey, give that to me; I'll recycle that for you."

"Um, sure." A nonplussed Kyle handed over his Coke can.

Maddie's mouth dropped open. _Forget _everything _I've said about rich guys. This one's perfect! _She hurried back down the steps to Jason. "Hey," she said, trying to sound casual and not desperate. "I couldn't help overhearing… You recycle?"

"Yeah," Jason nodded, his face darkening. "My dad is CEO of Opticorp, you know, the organisation that's chopping down half the Amazon rainforest for McDonald's?"

Maddie admired his rebellious attitude. "I protest against them," she mentioned in an off-hand manner.

"Oh, me too!" Jason said excitedly. "My dad's not impressed, obviously – in fact, he hates me."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Nah." Jason smiled wryly at Maddie. "I don't exactly respect him, either."

The two stared at each other, a lot less awkwardly this time around. Maddie was ecstatic that she had found someone with the same beliefs as her – none of her family was what you would call eco friendly. As for Jason, all he could think about was how he could spend the night with this hot girl before he went to Bermuda.

* * *

><p>The next morning, London was feeling rough. She had gone out with Kyle last night and had had the <em>best <em>time. There had been booze and drugs – _did I, like, _really _snort off that dancer's stomach? _– and she had hooked up with Kyle against a dark, dingy wall in some club.

She entered the lobby and made a beeline for the concierge. _What's her name? Oh well, like it matters. _"Hey. Did you, like, get those VIP tickets for the Usher concert?"

"Sure," the concierge smiled. As London waited impatiently for the woman to find them, Kyle and Jason also exited an elevator. Kyle looked as hungover as London but still sexy.

London called them over as the concierge handed over the tickets. "So, here's _your _ticket and backstage pass and _your _ticket and backstage pass. We're like, on the front row. And afterwards, we _totally _get to meet Usher!"

"Cool!" Kyle said.

Jason wasn't paying attention. He had just spotted that Maddie girl from yesterday entering the hotel.

Maddie was early for her shift but only because she couldn't get ready at her place. As she was heading for the employee's restroom she heard her name.

"Maddie!"

She turned and saw Jason. She smiled broadly, feeling gooey inside. "Hi!"

"How are you?"

"I'm good…"

London and Kyle were watching the pair.

"Like, what is going on between them?" London looked revolted.

"Jason likes her. She was _all _he could talk about last night, lucky me!" Kyle muttered sarcastically.

"Ugh. I mean, like, what does Jason, like, _see _in her?"

"Well, she's cute," Kyle pointed out. "But not my type."

"I, like, bet he thinks she's rich," London said.

Kyle looked at her. "So?"

"_So_, it would, like, _never _work out for them." London started scheming. "I'm, like, gonna go over and, like, burst their stupid, soppy bubbles. Someone's _totally _gotta do it." She started to head over but a warning voice stopped her.

"London! A word, please." Mr. Moseby beckoned to the heiress, who reluctantly made her way over.

He gave her a disapproving look. "It isn't nice to meddle in other people's lives."

London sighed. "I'm, like, only saving Jason from being disappointed. Which he will be if, like, he carries on talking to _her_."

Mr. Moseby looked stern. "London! Why can't you be friends with Maddie?"

"Uh, hello? She's a snobby, stuck up bitch who acts all, like, happy and perky for, like _no _reason! She treats me like shit, Moseby, haven't you, like, noticed? Just because she, like, _works _here. She thinks she's _totally _better than me and, like, I _totally _don't understand that because she's, like, poor." London looked puzzled.

"London, she's a perfectly friendly young woman and I'm sure you'd see that if you made an effort with her. Anyway," he continued, before London could interrupt. "That's partly what I wanted to talk to you about. The _other_ thing –" he brought the newspaper he was holding from behind his back. "–Is this."

He showed her the front page. It was London herself, looking absolutely wasted as she stumbled out of a nightclub. Her hair was a mess; one side of it still had the extensions in. She looked bleary eyed with smudged makeup as she clung on to Kyle, who had hidden his face with his free hand. Lucky Jason hadn't made the shot. The headline read simply: **WILD CHILD! **A sub heading, in smaller letters, described the picture: **Heiress and socialite London Tipton stumbles out of a club in the early hours, with her boyfriend!**

London looked up at Mr. Moseby, who looked disappointed. Inwardly, she thanked the editor of the tabloid who had obviously decided that this blurred picture was the best one; you couldn't make out the remaining traces of white powder under her nose.

"Anything to say about this?" Mr. Moseby asked softly.

London shook her head. Moseby never shouted at her and somehow, that always made her feel really guilty. _Guilty about having fun? Puh-lease!_

"It is unseemly that a very pretty girl your age should be out partying with two boys. It is even _more _unseemly that they are allowed in to a nightclub that they are much too young for," Mr. Moseby continued.

"Sorry, Mr. Moseby," London mumbled, like a naughty child.

"Your father has insisted you be banned from your nights out for two months."

"But I've, like, got tickets to see Usher tonight!"

"I'm sorry, London but I just can't let you go, on your own, with Jason and Kyle," Mr. Moseby said.

"Um…" London racked her brains as she turned away from Moseby's stare. She caught sight of Kyle texting; nearby, Maddie and Jason were still talking.

London couldn't believe she had thought of it. "What if I, like, take Maddie along?"

Mr. Moseby's face brightened. "Excellent! I see you've thought on what I said. London, that's a marvellous idea!"

London smiled back but the moment he left her, her smile faded. On top of trying to secure an extra ticket and backstage pass, which would be difficult, she knew that she wouldn't have any _real _fun with Maddie around. _The frigid bitch._

She walked over to Maddie and pulled her away from Jason without warning.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Maddie hissed.

"I'm coming to tell you that I'm, like, inviting you to see Usher with me," London replied, monotone.

Maddie looked suspicious. "Why?"

"Be_cause_, I'm, like, grounded because of last night and Moseby would only let me go with Jason and Kyle if I, like, took _you _along." She spat out the word _you _as if Maddie was the last person on Earth London would rather go with.

"I'm not going." Maddie made to turn back to Jason but London yanked her back.

"You _have _to!" She reluctantly played the Jason card. "Jason really, like, likes you."

"Really?" Maddie smiled slightly. She considered London's blunt offer. She could get to know Jason more – well, as much as you could get to know someone during a concert. And afterwards…

Maddie shook her head slightly. She didn't want to think about after the concert just yet.

"I need a fuckin' answer!" London said impatiently.

"I'll go," Maddie said.

"Fine." London walked swiftly away, pulling out her phone as she did. Maddie tried her best not to smile too broadly as she walked back to Jason. She was going on a date with him! Sort of.

* * *

><p>London knew she'd regret dragging Maddie along with her tonight. <em>That cow is a lightweight! I gave her, like, <em>one _shot of vodka and now she _totally _thinks she's drunk. Ugh. _

Maddie was hanging off Jason's arm, feeling very unsteady on her feet. "Ohmigosh London, I had the _best _night _ever_!"

"So you've never been backstage at a concert before?" Jason asked.

"I've never even _been _to a concert before! I'm soooo caught up!" Maddie sang loudly.

"Maddie! Like, keep your voice down!" London hissed. She was embarrassed to be seen with her and so was Kyle.

"Hey!" she called. Maddie finally shut up and turned to face London, beaming. "Let's, like, go to the rooftop and chill in the Jacuzzi! Except for you two," she added, pointing to Maddie and Jason.

"No fair! I wanna go in the Jacuzzi, too!" Maddie whined.

"I don't wanna be seen with you anymore. You've, like, probably lowered my rep, down into the gutter where you, like, came from," London replied harshly. Maddie shut up once more, looking extremely hurt this time. London laughed and set off towards the elevator, with Kyle following.

Jason waited until he heard the elevator doors close before turning to Maddie. Tears were falling and he pulled her into a hug.

"That was harsh of London. Don't listen to her; she's just jealous." Jason rocked them gently and soothed Maddie.

She sniffed and looked up. "She isn't jealous." She tried laughing but it came out as a sob. "She hates me; I don't know why. Trust me; this isn't the worst thing she's said."

"Listen, my parents are out tonight. My room is just above us, on the twenty-fourth floor. I'll make you some hot chocolate, OK?"

Maddie smiled. "Thanks." She let Jason lead her to the elevator and into his empty suite. She sat down while he made the hot chocolate.

"Here," he said a few minutes later.

"Thanks," she said again.

Jason sat beside her, watching her. "So, um, do you live here?"

Maddie looked up. "Hmm?"

"London said your parents travelled a lot, because they're rich; so I was wondering if you lived here while they were away."

_Well, thanks for letting me know my backstory, London. _"Um, yeah. Yeah, I do," Maddie replied. _What the hell, it's only for one night. I don't need to be honest._

"Cool." There was an awkward silence, while Maddie continued drinking and Jason stared at his feet. Eventually Maddie put her drink down. When she straightened up, he had moved closer. He put his arm around her and leaned in.

As far as first kisses went, Maddie's was pretty good. She felt light-headed and dizzy, partly from the alcohol as well. She gripped his upper arms to keep steady and kissed him back. Her heart was throbbing so hard, she was surprised Jason couldn't hear it.

He deepened the kiss, using his tongue to open her mouth. The sensation caused by their respective tongues was tingly and Maddie loved it.

She allowed herself to be pushed backwards so that she was lying down on the couch. Jason started moving his hands from her waist, up her arms and into her hair. She in turn moved her arms down to his waist and around to his back.

Jason groaned. He was getting a hard on, just from kissing Maddie. _I want her so much… _He moved his hands to the straps of her sparkly vest top and pulled them down. She let him.

All that was left of the top half was Maddie's sports bra, which had been on show the whole evening. He couldn't wait to take that off

Maddie, for the most part, was enjoying the sensations. She was too distracted to notice Jason slowly taking off her clothes. She did, however, feel her jeans being tugged. She opened her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

Jason looked at her lustfully. Something shot down her body and landed in her vagina; it felt like lust, too. "I'm taking them off," he replied huskily.

"OK then." She sounded breathless and her voice was a couple of octaves higher than normal.

Maddie let Jason take off the remainder of her clothes. She squirmed when he started kissing her all over. His hand moved from her boobs lower, lower, lower…

Maddie squealed.

"You're really wet," Jason whispered. Maddie nodded; she didn't know how to talk anymore.

Jason unzipped his chinos and pulled them down, taking his boxers with him. Her eyes were drawn to him. It looked… _It's so big. _

He moved closer; he spat on his hand and moved it down, stroking himself. Maddie frowned; there was something she should tell him but she couldn't think, she could only watch…

Just as he was lining himself up to her, she found her voice. "Wait, Jason! Um… I'm a virgin."

Jason smiled lazily. "It's OK. I'll go slowly." He found the entrance and pushed.

It hurt like hell. Maddie gasped in pain and Jason froze.

"You OK?"

"Yeah." She struggled to get her breath back. "Um… put it in some more."

He did so and Maddie tried her best to ignore the pain. After a couple of minutes of Jason going very slowly, it receded. The pain was still there but the feeling of pleasure – it was the only way to describe the sensation of Jason thrusting in and out – overrode it.

Another couple of minutes passed in near silence. Maddie was gasping still but in pleasure more than pain. Jason was grunting occasionally.

Then he spoke again. "Maddie." Her name, spoken like that, sent more shockwaves through her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna come," was all he said. Maddie panicked for a second. What should she do? Was she coming? How would she know when –?

Jason grunted and his movements became more sporadic. He thrust three more times until he stopped, panting.

Maddie lay there, not knowing what to do.

* * *

><p>She had stayed the night in the Martin's suite, at Carey's insistence. When Maddie woke up on the sofa bed the next morning, the first thing she did was have a shower. She felt weird.<p>

After Jason had stopped – or came, rather – he had pulled out and felt around on the floor for some tissue. Maddie couldn't remember seeing Jason getting the tissue. He cleaned himself up before helping her clean up. She had leaked onto the couch.

_Who knew it would be so messy afterwards? They don't show that in the films._

After she had got most of the mess, she had dressed hurriedly and left, after kissing Jason goodbye on the cheek. It had been so awkward. _Thank God he's leaving today. I bet he's checked out now. I'll never see him again and I can forget about last night._

She turned the shower off when she registered the cold water. She dried off and used the hairdryer Carey had provided. One she was dressed, she left the bathroom.

"Morning, Maddie!" Carey smiled. "Breakfast?"

"Thanks," Maddie said, sitting at the table next to a sullen Zack and helping herself to some buttered toast. The reason for his gloomy mood was soon made clear.

"So," Carey began, helping herself to marmalade. "How was your night?"

"It was… good, thanks." _London blanked me all night before bullying me, as usual; Kyle didn't give a shit and as for Jason, it started out great but then turned really awkward_.

Carey's smile turned coy. "And how's Jason?"

Maddie blushed. "Fine. He's checking out today, so I won't see him again. Which is just as well, because London told him I was rich, for some reason."

"Can I be excused?" Zack asked loudly.

"No you can't, you haven't finished your oatmeal." Carey turned back to Maddie. "Why did she say that?"

"I dunno. Well, I do; she said that Jason wouldn't like me if I was poor. Anyway, I can't exactly tell the truth because he's probably on his way to the airport now."

"Hmmm. You should have told him sooner," Carey said.

"I know but I was just caught up in the evening. It was a blast," Maddie remembered. Then she frowned. "Wait, how do you know about Jason?"

Zack and Cody quickly hunched over their bowls.

"_They _left the suite to spy on you," Carey announced.

Maddie blushed deeper.

"Sorry," the twins said.

Maddie shrugged. She left the crust and stood up. "Thanks for letting me stay the night, Mrs. Martin."

"Call me Carey," Carey said. "And no problem."

"Could you drop us off at the park?" Zack asked, finishing his breakfast, too.

Maddie smiled. "Sure, why not?"

Zack and Cody hurriedly finished their breakfast and rushed to get ready.

"See ya," Maddie said.

"See ya," Carey replied.

As they were leaving, the phone rang. "I'll get it," Zack said.

No sooner had Maddie stepped out of the suite then the elevator dinged.

"Maddie, hi!" It was Jason.

"Jason!" she exclaimed in genuine surprise. Following behind Jason were obviously his parents.

"This is my dad, George and my mom, Martha," Jason introduced. "Mom; Dad; this is Maddie."

"Lovely to meet you," George said in a deep voice. He held out his hand for Maddie to shake. She shook his hand, then Martha's, who was considerably smaller than both her husband and her son.

"I thought you'd be on your way to Bermuda by now," Maddie said.

"I wanted to stay another night, for you," Jason smiled. Maddie felt a twinge of guilt for practically running out on him last night.

"And now we know why," George said.

"You're all Jason could talk about," Martha said, in an affected posh accent. "He told me about your charity work with indigent children."

_Another of London's stories? I had no idea she knew what 'indigent' meant. _"Yeah," Maddie replied, not really knowing what to say in response.

"You're checking out?" Jason asked, indicating the overnight bag that Maddie was holding. She had forgotten about it.

"Oh! Um…" _Think of something!_

"She's moving out of her suite," Cody cut in, indicating his own. "It was too small and the walls were the wrong shade of beige. She's moving to the _Imperial _Suite." He smiled.

"Oh! Is this one of your indigents?" Martha asked, smiling patronisingly down at Cody. He smiled back but looked vaguely affronted.

"I was just coming to invite you to dinner this evening," Jason said. "Club Nouveau has just opened and we wanted to go there."

"Oh, I'd _love _to but I can't." _I don't really want to see you again, not after last night. _"I'm babysitting." Maddie rested a hand on Cody's shoulder.

"Oh, that is so sweet of you!" Martha exclaimed. "Well, needy children come first, of course."

Maddie smiled back. _Yes! I've got away with it!_

"Hey, Cody." Zack came out of the suite. "That was Josh on the phone. Do you wanna stay over at his tonight?"

"Looks like you're free then, Maddie," George said.

"Yup!" Maddie said brightly, silently cursing Zack.

"We're on the top floor as well. We'll pick you up at seven from your new suite." The Harringtons all smiled at Maddie, with Jason blowing her a kiss. They headed back for the elevator, leaving in their wake a confused Zack; a distressed Maddie and a still slightly insulted Cody.

* * *

><p>Later on, Maddie was pacing the floor of the twins' suite.<p>

"I should just tell them the truth, shouldn't I?" she said to no one in particular.

Zack and Cody were sitting on the coffee table, watching her pace.

"You could," Cody agreed. "But you'd probably come off as a lying gold digger."

Maddie stopped pacing to look at him, insulted. Zack looked at his brother too.

"I'm not saying you are, because you're not," Cody backtracked. "But Jason's parents could misinterpret you."

"They could," Maddie agreed. There was silence as she resumed her pacing.

"Alternatively," Cody spoke up again. "You could just go along with London's lie."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, just pretend you're rich." Cody looked at her as if to say, "duh!"

"That could backfire horribly," Maddie pointed out.

"No it won't!" Cody said confidently. "Leave it to us. We're the _masters _of pulling and getting away with elaborate lies-slash-pranks. Jason will never know that you're not really rich."

Maddie thought. _That could work. Jason is definitely leaving tomorrow and all I have to do is sit with his family for two hours having dinner at some club; then hang out with them for, like, half an hour tops and then I'll never see them again._ "OK," she said. "What do we do?"

Zack had remained silent throughout this. He was still sulking about Maddie and Jason and he _really _didn't want to help her hook up with that stupid, preppy loser. _But it's like they're all saying: Maddie won't see _him _again. Think of the big picture, here! _He stood with Cody to discuss their plan.

"We need to book you the Imperial suite," Zack announced.

"A normal room here is two _thousand _dollars a night. What makes you think you can just _book _the Imperial suite, for God's sake? Do you even _have _that kind of money?" Maddie asked rapidly.

Zack and Cody looked at each other, smirking.

"Oh, we're not going to _pay_, gorgeous," Zack answered slyly.

* * *

><p>Zack and Cody's idea of getting the suite was over-the-top. A couple of hours later, after Maddie had been home and got changed, she watched from the candy counter as Zack crouched down behind a suitcase carrier. <em>That's odd.<em>

A few minutes later, Cody arrived on the scene. He walked casually down the ramp and tripped right by the check in desk, landing on his back. _That's painful… and convenient_, Maddie thought, an inkling of a suspicion coming to her.

"Ow, _fuck_!" Cody moaned. A few of the guests had turned to stare and the young man on duty at the check in desk watched on in concern, hopping back and forth between Cody and the desk.

Out of the corner of his eye, Cody could see the man's indecision. "_Owwww_, it really hurts…" he tried again, afraid of hamming it up just too much.

The staff member made his decision and crossed to Cody, who had since stood up and staggered as far from the check in desk as possible. He continued grunting in pain to his fascinated crowd as Zack raced from his hiding place. A minute later, he had swiped a key card into the laptop and was waving it enticingly at Cody.

"I'll… be fine, guys. I'll sit down and rest," Cody said, not wanting to arouse suspicion by suddenly snapping out of character. He winced and stumbled his way back through the lobby, only running when he was completely out of sight.

* * *

><p>Phase two was arguably simpler than Phase one. They heard Mr. Moseby telling Esteban to take a dress up to London's penthouse. It was now a matter of running into Esteban before he delivered the dress.<p>

They sprinted into the corridor one floor below the penthouse, just as Esteban emerged from the elevator.

"Esteban, hey!" Cody panted. "Moseby wants ya."

"Really?" Esteban looked confused. "He's just seen me; he told me to take this dress to London."

"We'll take it," Zack offered. "You know what he's like when he's kept waiting."

Esteban nodded, knowing all too well. "Very well. Be careful with the dress, though," he warned, passing it carefully over to Cody. Esteban stopped the elevator doors from closing so he could step back in.

Once the doors had closed, Cody turned to Zack. "What will Esteban do when he finds out Moseby doesn't need him?"

"Not our problem," Zack shrugged.

"And why was he on the wrong floor?" Cody wondered.

Zack shrugged again. He beckoned with his arm and led the way down to corridor to the Imperial suite.

* * *

><p>By that evening, everything was running according to plan. Maddie, Zack and Cody were in the Imperial suite, awaiting the arrival of the Harrington's.<p>

Maddie was in the dress the twins had procured from Esteban. It was a soft pink number that reached the ankles and which was held up by thin straps. There had also been a matching clutch bag and heels that had come with the dress. Zack and Cody chalked this up to pure coincidence.

"It's a Paris original, from London," Zack stated confidently as he admired Maddie in the dress. _She looks so beautiful! _

"How do you know?" Maddie asked.

"It was on the label that was attached to the plastic bag it came in," Cody replied, smiling smugly at Zack. The latter narrowed his eyes at the former.

The doorbell rang.

"Shit! How do I look?" Maddie asked frantically.

"Beautiful… and rich!" Zack added hastily, grinning and giving her the thumbs up. He hurried over to the door with Cody and they bowed the Harrington's in.

"Oh, how _charming_!" Martha cooed. "You put the inner city boys to work!" In an undertone she added, "Check their pockets before you leave."

Maddie nodded, unsure of what to say.

"But weren't they supposed to be seeing a friend…?" Martha enquired.

"They cancelled, just for tonight. I'm paying them," she whispered. It was the right thing to say, as Martha made a noise of comprehension.

George had pulled back the curtain. "Good view of the park," he commented.

"Yeah, those are _trees_, Dad," Jason couldn't resist saying.

The atmosphere turned icy in less than a second. George spun around and glared at Jason, looking like he was about to strike him. Zack and Cody looked on from the door in fascination. Maddie feared for Jason.

Martha stepped in. "_So_! The plan is to eat dinner that _George _is paying for; then we retire to this suite to look at the trees that _Jason _likes, while we have dessert delivered to us by that Latin waiter that _I _enjoy, OK?"

George stopped glaring at Jason to glare at his wife instead. _Is there trouble in paradise? _Maddie wondered. Now it was her turn to step in and potentially head off a blazing confrontation.

"So, are we all ready for Club Nouveau?" She started to walk to the door but turned when she sensed that Jason and his parents weren't following.

"We cancelled," Martha announced. "I saw a delightful review in the Globe about how Carey Martin is well worth a watch if you're in the area. She's the indigents' mother!" She smiled patronisingly at the twins, who ignored that.

"Yeah," Cody replied enthusiastically. "She's good!"

In truth, Zack and Cody had never been to one of their mother's shows. She could have been shit for all they knew.

"Marvellous! So let's go there tonight!" Martha beamed.

"But Club Nouveau is really good!" Maddie said. She didn't want to be seen by Carey, especially not after she had said so emphatically that she'd never see Jason again.

"Well, we'll never know," George said, having recovered. "We made reservations."

"Oh." Maddie was at a loss for words, knowing she had lost this particular battle. "Well, OK then."

* * *

><p>She couldn't recall the elevator ride but now they were in the lobby. Zack and Cody lead them over to the corridor, where at the end of it, the lounge was situated.<p>

"Enjoy the show!" Zack said importantly.

"I don't want your mom seeing us!" Maddie hissed as she walked past.

"That's OK; we've put you at a table in the back," Zack whispered back. He winked and Maddie rolled her eyes and hurried after the Harrington's.

"We're good," Zack said proudly, watching them turn a corner.

There was a flurry of noise and light from outside; the paparazzi were out, documenting the arrival of a famous wrestler to the Tipton: the Amputator.

He was famous but he was also infamous. Not many people liked him because of how he got his name; there were rumours that in one match, he hurt an opponent so much that they had to amputate his arm. That wasn't to say he had fans, though; he had a cult following of devoted followers who attended his matches and went to conventions to see him.

Zack and Cody weren't as loyal as those fans but they were fans nonetheless. Carey forbade them to watch the Amputator's matches, which only reinforced the urge to watch one.

The Amputator walked past Zack and Cody and winked at Irene on his way to the check in desk.

If Moseby appeared frightened or intimidated, he didn't show it. "Ah, Mr. Amputator! A pleasure to see you again!"

"Yeah… it's, uh, Moseby, isn't it?"

Mr. Moseby smiled, delighted that a famous person still remembered his name. "Indeed. Another Wrestle Royale at the TD Garden?"

"Of course."

"Well then, let me book you into the Imperial suite." Mr. Moseby turned his attentions to the computer, while Zack and Cody exchanged looks of horror.

"Did you book that suite for Maddie?" Zack whispered frantically.

"No, I only swiped the key card," Cody replied.

"We need to stall him. You do that and _I _will head up to the suite." Zack took out his Swiss army knife and waved it at Cody. He understood and nodded. Zack sprinted off.

"Need some help with those bags?" Mr. Moseby was saying. "I'm just kidding!"

The Amputator laughed. "That's a good one!"

Cody approached. He was a little starstruck in the face of such fame. _Apparently, the Amputator tore a guy's whole arm off!_

"Um, Mr. Amputator?" he asked rather timidly. "I'm a big fan of yours. May I have your autograph?"

The Amputator smiled and Cody was put at ease. It was such a friendly smile. "Of course you can! I don't have a lot of young fans. Oh, uh, do you have a pen and paper?"

"I do," Mr. Moseby said automatically. He looked disapprovingly at Cody as he handed a small notebook and a pen to the wrestler. _I should have known that Cody would like the Amputator. _

"Yeah, my mom doesn't like me watching your matches but I do anyway," Cody confided. The Amputator laughed and Cody felt giddy.

"That's fantastic! So, who should I make it out to?"

_Stall him. Stall him! _"Uh, make it out to Cody. In fact, write this: 'To Cody, a young man whom I have never met before. Yet, talking to him, I feel as if I've known him for a long, long, long…'"

* * *

><p>Zack let himself in to the Imperial suite, which was unlocked. <em>Maddie must have the key card. <em>He got straight to work, hurling himself under the coffee table. He began to scratch a crude drawing of an ejaculating penis into the wood.

* * *

><p>"… Long, long, long, long -"<p>

"Cody!" Mr. Moseby barked. "My apologies," he said in a calmer tone to the Amputator.

The latter seemed to find it amusing. "Don't worry about it. I've just put: 'To Cody, from the Amputator, that OK?"

"Yeah."

The Amputator ripped out the piece of paper and handed it to Cody. He gave Moseby the pen and notepad back.

"Enjoy your stay," Mr. Moseby said as the Amputator headed for the elevator.

Cody followed him. "Can I just say, you're really nice? Most celebrities wouldn't take time out to talk to a kid like me." He stepped into the elevator and started pressing random buttons.

"Oh, actually," the Amputator stopped him. "I'm on Floor 25."

"Oh, cool. Bye then!" Cody stepped out of the elevator and gave the Amputator a little wave. The second the doors had closed he had pulled out his phone and called Zack.

In the Imperial suite, the phone rang. Zack ran over to it but hesitated. _What if it's Moseby? _He decided to risk it.

"Hello?" he said in a deep voice.

"Get out now!" came Cody's urgent whisper. "I'm going to warn Maddie."

Both hung up at the same time. Cody sprinted in the direction of the lounge, mindful of Mr. Moseby. Thankfully, he was busy dealing with another guest to notice Cody's suspicious behaviour.

* * *

><p>The room was packed. There were usually sold out nights but most of the time, Carey only sung to a small audience, made up of guests. She sang with passion about a flightly lover.<p>

"Whisper words of love and peace my love. Don't fly away from me," she sang.

She saw the door open and Cody enter. She smiled; the boys didn't usually come to watch her perform. In fact, they never came.

Cody scanned the room for Maddie and saw her sat at a table near the back of the room. He walked quietly over to her, trying not to draw too much attention to himself.

Martha saw him and smiled patronisingly. He ignored her and tapped Maddie on the shoulder.

Maddie frowned but Cody widened his eyes pointedly.

"Excuse me," Maddie whispered to the table. She got up and followed Cody out of the lounge.

The second the door had closed Cody started explaining everything.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Zack should be out of the room now; hopefully, the Amputator will go down to the lobby and complain about his room," Cody explained. "I need to go now."

"Thanks!" Maddie smiled. She made her way back to her table, mouthing _sorry! _at Carey. She nodded slightly and smiled as she finished her song to appreciative applause.

* * *

><p>Zack didn't have time to leave. In truth, after the call to Cody, he did some more vandalising; it wasn't everyday that you got to destroy a hotel suite. He was just about to head into the bathroom to see if he could disable the flush when he heard the faint sounds of the elevator.<p>

_Shit! This could be him! _Zack acted fast. He fumbled in his pocket and found what he was looking for: loose change. He sprinted quietly to the door, dropped the coin on the floor and flattened himself against the wall just as the door opened.

The first thing the Amputator saw was the quarter. He smiled to himself. "Find a penny, pick it up…" He stooped to pick it up and Zack slipped quietly out of the door, closing it. The noise of the door shutting startled the Amputator, who dropped the quarter.

* * *

><p>Zack smiled smugly to himself. All he had to do now was wait for Cody. Or wait for the Amputator to leave the suite, whichever came first. He heard quick footsteps on the carpet and smiled wider.<p>

It was London. Zack's smile faded. He would never admit it but he was a little scared of London.

"There you are, you little _shit_!" London hissed, her eyes narrowing when she saw him. "Esteban, like, told me you _took _my Paris original gown. Like, where is it?"

"Um…"

* * *

><p>The Amputator picked the coin up again and transferred it into his pocket. He put his suitcase on the end table rather heavily. The table collapsed. The Amputator smirked. <em>Sometimes, I just don't know my own damn strength.<em>

* * *

><p>"I-I don't know where it is!" Zack said over his shoulder. London was ruining everything. <em>New plan: go find Cody!<em>

"Liar!" London held her arms outstretched and Zack narrowly avoided getting pinned to the wall. "Give me my dress, you little brat!"

At that moment, Cody exited the elevator and heard what London said. "Zack! You _told _her we gave it to _Maddie_?"

London actually shrieked in horror; her voice was so high pitched that if she had her dog, Ivana, with her, she would have gone beserk. "_What_?"

"No!" Zack said, shaking his head slowly. _We are in deep shit now! Thanks a lot, asshole!_

"Uh…" Cody was at a loss for words. London looked like she wanted to kill the twins but didn't know who to start with.

* * *

><p>Still chuckling to himself, the Amputator found a glass and headed over to the small sink. He turned on the tap – and water sprayed on to his shirt. <em>Great.<em>

* * *

><p>"Ugh! I'm, like, going to <em>totally <em>tell Moseby! Stealing is, like a _crime_!" London fumed.

Zack and Cody needed her out of the way. Luckily, Zack's terrified mind came up with a solution.

"OK, OK! We gave the dress to Maddie. We'll take you to her," Zack said, hoping his voice wasn't as shaky as he thought it was.

Cody shot him a look that said, _are you out of your mind? _Zack indicated slightly to the janitor's closet nearby.

"She's in here," Zack sighed as they escorted London to the closet. They opened the door and slammed the door quickly, putting a chair underneath the handle.

London screamed. "You fucking _bastards_! I'm, like, _so _gonna kill you!"

That was that dealt with – for the moment.

* * *

><p><em>Some luck I'm getting. <em>The Amputator dabbed at his shirt, which didn't help. The wet patch was prominent; there was even a patch on the front of his jeans. _It looks like I've pissed myself._

"What else could fucking go wrong?" he called out to the empty suite. He collapsed into the chair, which collapsed underneath him. This time, he didn't think it was his strength. _This suite is shit! I'm going to have to complain!_

* * *

><p>Zack and Cody were hidden just around the corner, as the Amputator limped his way out of his suite and towards the elevator.<p>

They ran inside, Cody remembering to close the fuse box beforehand.

"Right." Zack waved his Swiss army knife again. "Let's put her back together!" He smirked.

* * *

><p>Maddie knew she had a lot of explaining to do. Carey had given her such a disapproving look that she wanted to crawl into a deep hole and die.<p>

Carey had joined Maddie and the Harrington's. A few guests had stayed for a late dinner and had congratulated Carey on her performance. But now, they had left her in peace.

She didn't care for the Harrington's. They were snooty and had made Carey out to be a struggling single mother who had just escaped the brink of poverty. Jason was pretty cute, though.

"You must be _ever _so grateful to Maddie," Martha said. _Is being a patronising bitch the only trait this woman has? _Carey thought.

"I mean, not _every _teenager would be so… _philanthropic_," Martha continued.

"Yeah." Carey faked a smile. "It's so much better than the _box _me and my boys lived in." She was spreading it on thick but she had the suspicion that the Harrington's believed her. Martha's mouth fell open in shock; she put her hand over it and gazed at Carey in horror.

Maddie blushed. What was Carey doing? Was she trying to land her in more trouble?

"Well, it's _so _kind of her to give you it, payment free. You should see her new suite!" Martha smiled encouragingly at Maddie.

"Her new suite? She hadn't told me this." Carey turned and smiled at Maddie but it didn't translate to her eyes, which were flashing warningly.

"Oh…" Maddie tried to laugh. "You don't want to see it. Really…"

Her phone rang. She almost whacked herself in the face with it, with the speed in which she picked it up. "Yeah?"

"It's ready."

She hung up the phone without saying goodbye. "I've changed my mind. Let's retire to my suite, shall we?"

* * *

><p>Cody put the phone down. "They're on their way. We should probably get out of here."<p>

"Yeah." Zack looked around the room; it looked as if no one had touched it – well, apart from the carving of the penis under the table. They didn't know how to get rid of that.

"We are so good," Zack said proudly, shaking his head.

"Yeah." Cody stopped focusing on the plan and on leaving the room; he looked around the suite, too, smiling. "We should do this more often. Is there any way to recognised for this? Like, a Hall of Fame?"

"Yes, it's called _prison_," came a voice from the doorway. It was Mr. Moseby.

Zack and Cody jumped. It hadn't been that long ago that the Amputator left; the two must have run into each other on a corridor somewhere.

The Amputator was staring from Zack to Cody. "Wait… they're twins?"

"Thankfully; thank goodness _cloning _hasn't been invented yet," Mr. Moseby quipped.

"And they're the ones who destroyed my suite?"

Moseby just nodded gravely.

There were more footsteps; Maddie entered the room and stopped dead.

"Shit."

The Harrington's almost bumped into her. Carey brought up the rear, looking entirely unsurprised.

"Who are all these people?" George demanded.

Martha was interested in one person in particular. "_Amputator_?" she breathed. A change came over her, a change that George hadn't seen for years.

The Amputator inclined his head in acknowledgement.

"I'm such a huge fan!" Martha whispered. "When your shirt got torn off in your last grudge match…" she added lustfully, before swallowing.

"Um, Maddie?" Jason asked, trying to change the conversation hurriedly before his mom did anything stupid.

Maddie sighed, preparing herself. "OK…"

She hadn't got any further than that when London stormed in. "Bitch!" she screeched, pointing at Maddie. "Get out of my dress! You're stretching it!"

"What does she mean?" Jason asked, thoroughly comfused.

"I'm not rich, OK?" Maddie said loudly, silencing the room. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "London persuaded me to go along with that because she thought you wouldn't like me or something. I thought you'd be leaving tomorrow so I didn't feel the need to explain or refuse to lie. I'm sorry," she added in a sob as she fled the suite. Carey followed after her.

"I, like, tried to tell you," London said. Mr. Moseby looked at her disapprovingly.

* * *

><p>Maddie pressed the down button. She wanted to leave the hotel and never look back. Except she couldn't really do that when she had work in the morning.<p>

The doors opened and Maddie got in.

"Wait!" It was Carey. She slid in as the doors were closing.

"I don't feel like talking," Maddie said in a raspy voice. She sniffed and tears ran down her face and mingled with snot.

Despite looking gross, Carey still pulled her into a hug. "I'm not mad at you," she began. "But you shouldn't have gone along with the lie in the first place."

"I know," Maddie said. "But I thought, what if London's right? What if Jason didn't like me because I'm not rich?"

"Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. Guys aren't that shallow. Jason seems like a sweet guy, who'll love you for who you are. Why did you listen to London in the first place?"

Maddie shrugged. "I feel stupid."

"Don't say that," Carey said gently. She wished she had a tissue to give to Maddie; snot was now leaking onto Carey's arm and it was disgusting.

"No," Maddie insisted. "London's a lying, manipulative bitch and I wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't listened to her. I'm so stupid!"

"Now listen," Carey said. She didn't raise her voice but still spoke in the soft, soothing voice that was making Maddie feel a little better. "Don't sell yourself short," Carey said simply. "Talk to Jason tomorrow before he leaves and I'll bet you he tells you the same thing."

"Really?" Maddie sniffed again.

"Really," Carey said, smiling down at Maddie.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe we don't have a TV!" Zack grumbled to Cody the next day, as they made their way into the lobby.<p>

Carey, who was in front of them, wheeled around. "Really? You destroyed hotel property _again_ – didn't you learn your lesson with the aerial? You injured a professional wrestler and now he can't work for a good few months. You should be damn lucky he didn't sue and you should be fucking _grateful _that you weren't detained by the police!"

She stalked off to the lounge for her rehearsal. Zack and Cody looked at each other sulkily. She was right. She always was because she was their mother.

The elevator opened and the twins saw Maddie look around from her position at the candy counter expectantly. A second later, she looked away, looking upset.

"Jason didn't accept her apology," Cody said. "He said he couldn't trust her and that he doesn't like liars or fakers or something."

Zack shrugged. He was over the moon that Jason was leaving _finally_; it meant Maddie was available. Ruined by another man but available. "Should we say something?" he asked Cody.

Cody looked over at Maddie. "I wouldn't know what to say."

"Me neither," Zack admitted. He changed the subject. "Still wanna meet Josh?"

"Yeah, come on then." They left Maddie to brood and headed to the park to meet Josh.


	4. Hotel Inspector

**SUMMARY: On the day that the hotel inspector, Ilsa Schmidt, is coming, Zack and Cody go to a ball game. They return as Ilsa is conducting her inspection. Unfortunately, a guest spots a rat - literally - and Mr. Moseby is suspended. The rat belongs to Zack but for some reason, Ilsa doesn't believe him. Under the rule of a racist hotel inspector, Zack and Cody need to rehire Mr. Moseby - and they'll need to break all of the rules to do so.**

**Just a small note – I have attempted to use correct Japanese towards the end of the chapter but it may be wrong. I'm not yet fluent in the language, so if I've said anything wrong, don't hesitate to let me know and I'll correct it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hotel Inspector<strong>

_Whoever heard of getting _homework _over the summer? Lame. _Zack absently played with his yo-yo that he had found under a dirty sock and thought about all the better stuff he could be doing with his time.

"We need to work on our science project," Cody announced, emerging from the nearby elevator. Zack didn't look up at him.

"Dude," Cody prompted his twin.

"I'm working on science," Zack said, smirking slightly as he swung his yo-yo in a large circle, almost hitting a guest who was behind him at that point. "Centrifugal force!"

"Very funny," Cody said dryly. A muffled stomping sound indicated that London was coming towards them and she wasn't in a good mood. Cody dodged out of the way, taking Zack with him and almost getting knocked out by the yo-yo himself.

London was fuming. She was always mad about something and it was no different on this occasion.

"Oh my God," she proclaimed as soon as she'd located Mr. Moseby and stamped her way over to him. He was talking to Maddie, who hadn't been serving anyone for the last twenty minutes.

Mr. Moseby mentally prepared himself for an onslaught of London. "Yes?"

"Like, Nina Friedberg, like, _totally _threw this _amazing _dog party for her poodle Truffles and I'm, like, _majorly _jealous. And, like, so is Ivana." She held up the dog that had been nestled in the crook of her arm. Ivana was a spoilt Pomeranian who was lucky not to have died from London feeding her caviar and lobster on occasion. Right now, she didn't look jealous, just pampered.

Maddie looked down, not wanting to smirk at London. The heiress' new obsession was dog parties. It was a big thing in Hollywood, apparently – to throw your dog an expensive party, the more lavish, the better. There was kibble and water on hand for the dogs but the parties were just another excuse for the dog loving celebrities to drink, take drugs, bitch, backstab and have sex.

"How awful," deadpanned Mr. Moseby. "And what can I do about it?"

"Well, like, you can _start _by, like, taking care of _this_." London brandished a piece of paper under his nose. "This is, like, the guest list for _my _dog party and I would like you to, like, take care of it." She turned on her stilettoed heel and flounced off.

Mr. Moseby turned back to Maddie and handed her the list. "You take care of it."

"Why?" It probably wasn't the best move to question her boss.

"Because, I have better things to do – like managing the hotel – to book guests for London's party." Mr. Moseby didn't mention that the party was really Ivana's. There was something not quite right about throwing a party for an animal that wouldn't appreciate it. _Then again, it seems that the rich play by their own rules._

As he left the candy counter for his office, Esteban rushed up to him. "Mr. Moseby! This fax came just now. The Tipton inspector is on her way for a surprise inspection. She only just sent this." Once again, Mr. Moseby found a piece of paper being brandished in front of him. He took it and scanned it and sure enough, Ilsa Schmidt, the hotel inspector, was indeed on her way and would arrive at some point today.

"Thank you, Esteban." The bell hop nodded and walked off to attend to a guest. Mr. Moseby finally reached his office and put the fax on his desk. He wasn't too worried by the surprise inspection as the hotel was always, as he put it, spic and span. Ilsa would have a hard time finding fault with it.

* * *

><p>Muriel dusted lazily at the windowsill. Earlier on she had found five dollars on Carey's dresser. <em>She won't miss that. Only a couple more years, then I can retire and move to Vegas.<em>

Carey emerged from her room. "Muriel, you seen a five dollar bill anywhere? I need to go grocery shopping soon."

_Crap. _"No, I haven't; I'll keep an eye out," Muriel replied. She turned to make sure Carey wasn't looking in her direction and when she wasn't, she pulled the bill out from her bra and dropped it on the floor.

"Oh! Here it is." Muriel stooped as quickly as she could to pick it up. Trying not to let her reluctance show, she handed it to Carey, who smiled at her and said thanks.

Zack and Cody emerged from their room and headed for the kitchenette.

"Hey, I'm going shopping in a minute, so no snacking," Carey informed them.

"We don't want a snack; we've got out science project to do, remember?" Cody said, opening a cupboard and taking out two medium sized containers.

Carey wished she had forgotten. The boys had brought home two large rats for the summer and she hated them. Although Cody had said they wouldn't hurt her, it hadn't put her at ease. _It's those tails… They're horrible. _She turned away to avoid looking at the rats.

"This is Bonnie and that's Clyde," she heard Zack telling Muriel, presumably; Carey, unfortunately, already knew their names. "We're looking at behavioural changes or something like that; Cody knows."

Cody sighed. "We play them different genres of music; for example, heavy metal, and hip-hop. Then we look at the behavioural changes brought on by the music and write it down and see if there are any similarities or differences."

"How interesting," droned Muriel in her New Jersey accent.

The doorbell rang and Carey, glad of an excuse to move away from the rats, went to answer it. It was Mr. Moseby. Muriel immediately went back to cleaning when she saw who it was.

"Hello," Carey said, slightly surprised.

"Good morning," Mr. Moseby said. He was smiling, something that was so rare that Carey was alarmed.

"Is everything OK, sir?"

"Of course! Of course," he said, his voice slightly higher than normal. "I've come to see your boys."

Zack and Cody tensed up.

"We didn't do it," Zack said automatically.

Mr. Moseby frowned, looking like his normal self for a second. "Whatever it is you _did _do, I'll find out soon enough." He cleared his throat. "My reason for visiting is to offer you tickets to today's Sox game." He produced the tickets and handed them to the stunned twins.

"They're playing at Fenway Park," Mr. Moseby continued, when nobody spoke.

Carey was the first to recover her voice. "Wow! What do you say, you two?"

"Thanks!" Cody said.

Zack wasn't so quick to offer his gratitude, though. "Why are you giving us these now? Why so last minute?" Something didn't add up to him.

"It just so happened that there were a few seats still unclaimed as of half an hour ago, so I rang up my contact and was able to procure you some. You're above the player's hut," Mr. Moseby explained.

"Hmmm." Zack pretended to consider. Mr. Moseby looked anxious. "Hmm," Zack repeated. "It's a nice gesture and all but I don't feel like going anywhere today. I'll stay in the hotel, if it's all the same to you."

"OK, fine!" Mr. Moseby snapped. "As I speak, the hotel inspector is on her way here. I was perfectly confident that she wouldn't find a thing wrong with the hotel and then I remembered about you _hooligans_. So, if it's all the same to _you_, I would like you out of the way, preferably for the rest of the day."

"Fine," Zack sighed. "We'll be back before curfew if you throw in dinner."

"Don't push it," Mr. Moseby retorted.

"Here, I'll give you a little spending money and we'll go for a McDonald's afterwards, OK?" Carey found her purse and extracted a few bills, which the twins took eagerly.

* * *

><p>They hurried into their room to find some clean socks. Well, Cody did anyway; Zack, carrying Bonnie and Clyde with him, put their boxes onto his bedside cabinet and proceeded to open the lid of Clyde's box.<p>

"Hey, what are you doing?" Cody asked.

"I'm taking 'em to the game."

"You can't do that! Mom will flip; plus, you'll ruin the experiment!" Cody pointed out in alarm.

Zack sighed. He didn't know why but Cody had developed an unusual interest in studying and _homework_. It had happened a few weeks ago, when they had been grounded for wrecking that pageant. _Hey, maybe there's a link; Cody got so depressed about that dyke girl that he started studying! Nah…_

"Fine," he said in response, putting the lid back on. "I won't take them."

"Good," Cody said. Having put on a pair of socks, he left the room. Zack watched him go and resumed opening the box lid. Bonnie and Clyde were going to go with him to the game anyway; fuck what Cody had said about it messing up the experiment.

* * *

><p>Mr. Moseby was pacing the floor of the impeccably clean lobby. Ilsa should have been here hours ago. Where was she?<p>

"I'm sure she'll arrive," Esteban offered hopefully. "Maybe she's stuck in traffic or something."

Mr. Moseby just grunted in reply. Zack and Cody were going to be back any time soon and he was worried – no, downright terrified – that they would do something that would alter the results of the inspection.

"Moseby!" came London's voice from the elevators. When there was no reply, she rolled her eyes and looked around for someone to talk to. Unfortunately for her, only Maddie looked free. _Like, she _is _in charge of my party. Stupid bitch, she'll fuck it up completely._

She headed over. "I've, like, had a _totally _awesome idea for Ivana's party. Write this down," she said, with no greeting.

Maddie stayed where she was but a death glare a second later had her scrambling for her pen and notepad.

"OK, so, like, Ivana is going to have a _poker _party," London announced dramatically. If she was expecting Maddie to look impressed, even awed, she was mistaken.

"What," Maddie said flatly.

"_Oh _my _God_, you stupid slut!" London spat. "I, like, _totally _saw a picture of some dogs playing poker and I was, like, inspired. Ivana will, like, host a poker party."

"You do know that painting isn't real?" Maddie pointed out, rather bravely risking London's wrath.

London gave her a withering look. "It is _not, _OK? I, like, know for a _fact _that those are _real _dogs who posed for that painting. Anyway, I don't need to, like, listen to your opinion. Organise me a poker party." With that, she stalked out of the hotel, almost knocking into Mr. Moseby.

The manager snapped out of his reverie when London went past. Twins or no twins, Ilsa would surely arrive soon and he'd just have to get on with it.

"She's here!" Esteban hissed, as if on cue. The staff straightened up slightly and focused on their work as a small, yet intimidating blonde woman strode purposefully through the door that was held open for her.

Ilsa Schmidt was known as a domineering force of nature. She was always brutally honest when it came to inspections, to the point that businesses either thrived or failed, depending on her word. She wrote up her inspections in a weekly column in The Wall Street Journal that was read by millions worldwide. Her distinguishing feature was a large mole, which she called a 'beauty mark.' Whenever someone dared to speak ill of it, she would snap and tear the poor individual to shreds.

She headed to Mr. Moseby. "You are Mr. Moseby, manager of the Tipton Hotel?" she asked, with a thick German accent.

"Yes," Mr. Moseby said, with a weak smile.

"I am Ilsa Schmidt, hotel inspector." She held out her hand for the manager to shake. She had a very strong grip.

"We were expecting you hours ago," Mr. Moseby began.

"I was held up at Logan Airport. Their luggage system is terrible," she replied brusquely.

Mr. Moseby nodded knowledgably, feeling a little more confident. "Shall we get started then?" he asked.

"Certainly. You carry on with your business." She dismissed him with a flick of her hand and turned on her heel to inspect the lobby.

Mr. Moseby blinked at Ilsa's abrupt nature. He turned to see Zack and Cody bound into the hotel, talking excitedly.

"Mr. Moseby! The Sox won ten to nine! It was awesome!" Cody cried.

"Yeah! Mom caught a foul ball! It smacked her in the head, she was bleeding and everything!" Zack said, with an enthusiasm that Mr. Moseby found slightly uncomfortable.

Carey followed behind the boys and she smiled wryly. She had a large plaster covering part of her forehead.

"How was the hotel inspection?" she asked Mr. Moseby, who turned to face Ilsa. The latter was watching them closely and didn't return Carey's smile.

"Thanks again for the tickets," Carey continued, looking back at Mr. Moseby.

"Tickets? To where? Are they guests?" Ilsa had approached them and was grilling Mr. Moseby.

"To the Sox game!" Cody said.

"Yes, they are guests," Mr. Moseby confirmed.

"Hm." Ilsa didn't comment further but made a note on her clipboard.

"Time for bed," Carey announced. Ignoring the groans from Zack and Cody, she began to lead them away. Mr. Moseby was glad they were going. _Perhaps now the inspection will run a lot smoother._

He should have known not to tempt fate.

"_Rats_!" shrieked a guest, drawing her feet up onto the couch. There were screams of terror as people jumped and stared around, trying to locate the creatures. Mr. Moseby looked too but couldn't see anything.

Ilsa, however, pounced suddenly and caught one. She held it by its tail at arm's length, looking disgusted.

"A filthy rat!" she pronounced disgustedly. "Well, well, Mr. Moseby. I had it on good authority that you ran a clean hotel."

"I do!" he protested. Ilsa didn't listen.

"You are no longer fit to be manager. It is your jobs to not only ensure the running of this hotel but to see that it stays clean. You have shown that you cannot manage that task. So I would like your keys; badge and suit. I will take over management of this establishment until the review board make their final decision in a week's time."

Carey, Zack and Cody had been about to board an elevator when they had heard the commotion. Now they stood silently, like everyone else in the lobby, watching the humiliated Mr. Moseby hand over his keys and badge.

"I can't take the suit off here, can I?" he asked.

"Wash it and return it," Ilsa replied curtly.

Mr. Moseby didn't say anything but walked silently out of the hotel. Ilsa, still holding the rat, walked into Mr. Moseby's office and closed the door behind her. Gradually, everyone returned to what they doing, talking about what had just happened.

Carey was shocked. "Fuck! Poor Mr. Moseby."

"I know," Cody replied.

"I've never heard or seen _rats _here," Carey continued. "Of course, we haven't been here for very long so maybe…" She trailed off, thinking.

"There have never been rats here in the time I've been working," Maddie said, passing them on her way out of the hotel. "Mr. Moseby always keeps it really clean. It seemed a trivial thing to fire him on."

"Rats are dirty creatures, though; they carry all sorts of germs," Carey pointed out. "If they had been found in the kitchen or worse; _living _in the kitchen…"

Maddie shook her head. "She should have carried out a hygiene check, to make sure the place wasn't dirty or anything. Anyway, I'm off. See ya." She carried on out of the building.

"Isn't it weird, though?" Cody began, as they pressed the elevator button again. "Someone found a rat and _we _have rats in our suite. What a coincidence."

Mother's intuition struck Carey and she turned to Zack. "The rats _are _upstairs, aren't they?"

Zack flushed. "Well –"

"Oh, for _fucks _sake, Zack!" Carey snapped.

"I told you not to bring them!" Cody wailed, as they stepped into an empty elevator. "You've ruined the experiment now! We'll have to think of a new one!"

"More importantly, you landed Mr. Moseby into deep trouble." Carey stared down at Zack, who looked very ashamed of himself. "You may have cost him his job. I want you to really think about what you've just done. Something you may think is harmless could turn out to have serious repercussions."

* * *

><p>It had been a week since Mr. Moseby had been suspended. The last time Zack and Cody had seen their rats was when they were running amok in the lobby. Ilsa had picked up Clyde and taken him with her but Bonnie was nowhere to be seen.<p>

"I don't think this is working," Zack pointed out, as Cody lay on the floor to put a piece of cheese under the couch.

"It's better than nothing," he replied, straightening up.

"Muriel!" Ilsa came round the corner into the lobby, holding another piece of cheese. "Why is there cheese under the couches?"

Muriel shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it fell out of a sandwich."

Ilsa considered her. "Hmmm, maybe. I shall have to make sure no one eats in the corridors. As you were."

Zack and Cody had watched this.

"It's weird, isn't it," Zack said to Cody. "How Ilsa's only nice to a few people but horrible to everyone else?" He had voiced this opinion earlier in the week, when they had seen the hotel inspector telling off London for bullying Maddie.

"Yeah." Cody frowned. "She's not been mean to us, too."

"That's 'cause we've stayed out of her way," Zack pointed out.

Ilsa had approached Esteban. "What is that non-regulation pin you are wearing?" she enquired, prodding the pin hard.

"It belonged to my great-grandfather. He died for my country's independence and I wear it every day to remind me of his sacrifice." Esteban stood proudly, his eyes shining at the memory.

Ilsa wasn't swayed. "Why don't _you _make a sacrifice and take it off? You are not allowed to wear non-regulation items or clothing with your uniform. Off!" she added, when Esteban made no move to take it off.

Esteban still didn't move. Ilsa lunged forward and wrenched the pin from his chest with surprising strength. The pin took with it part of the fabric it was attached to, leaving a smallish hole in Esteban's shirt.

Ilsa threw the pin down on the floor in disgust. "I will not tolerate ignorance! If _I _were the manager here, you wouldn't be… what is it you do again?"

"I-I'm a bellhop," Esteban said quietly. The whole lobby had fallen silent.

"Well, you're not doing a very good job," Ilsa declared. "You are supposed to be helping guests with their luggage, not chin-wagging with the other staff! I don't know how you got this job but if you were working for me you would be working in the kitchens!"

Many of the guests gasped at her words. Esteban looked humiliated. Ilsa spat on his pin and turned her back on him. Esteban hurriedly picked it up and hurried out of the lobby.

Ilsa's next target was Maddie. A few of the guests had copied Esteban and left but many were staying, waiting to see if Ilsa would bully another member of staff.

"Maddie," Ilsa began. The former looked a little scared. "I see you clocked in at one minute past four. You were _supposed _to be here for four sharp, to work on that dog party."

"Um… it's only a minute?" Maddie replied, turning it into a question.

Ilsa stared at Maddie hard for a full minute. Then she smiled kindly at her. Maddie looked taken aback.

"I know what you're feeling; I wouldn't want to be organising a party for a spoilt little… brat. She does not deserve it; she doesn't deserve to have everything she wants, actually."

Despite it all, Maddie smiled, seeing the truth in Ilsa's words.

"But, unfortunately, life isn't very fair; we must work hard to make it so," Ilsa continued. Her smile faded slightly. "Sadly, I will have to dock you for that minute you were late. I know it's only a dime but –" she leaned in closer to Maddie. "– we have to set an example to some of the… _other _employees." She smiled kindly again and walked away, leaving Maddie thoroughly confused.

The few guests who had watched the exchange to the end turned away too, looking disappointed that nothing eventful had happened.

Zack and Cody were a mixture of disappointed and confused.

"What just happened?" Zack wondered.

Cody shook his head sadly. He knew exactly what had happened. "Ilsa's racist," he concluded.

Zack looked at him. He didn't really know what to say to that. _There should be laws against racism. People like Ilsa shouldn't be allowed to get jobs._

Instead, he said, "I'm going to talk to her, about the rats. Fess up."

Cody shrugged. "It probably won't make any difference. She probably won't rehire Moseby."

"It's worth a try," Zack argued, before making his way over to Ilsa.

"Um… Mrs. Schmidt?"

"It's _Ms_.Schmidt but you were close enough." She smiled at him and he was caught off guard by her mole.

"Did you have something to say to me?" Ilsa prompted.

"Oh! Yeah," Zack said, blinking."Um, yeah, I just wanted to say that, um… the rat thing wasn't Mr. Moseby's fault. It was my rat and I should take the blame for it." He stared down at his shoes.

Ilsa sighed. "It was very brave of you to say that but unfortunately Mr. Moseby has to take full responsibility. The rat was seen on his premises, after all."

"But it was my rat," Zack pointed out.

Ilsa smiled at him. "It's very sweet of you to say so. Now, if you'll excuse me…" She ruffled his hair as she went past and he shuddered.

Cody hurried up. "What did she say?"

"She didn't believe me!"

"What?"

"I think she thinks that Clyde was a wild rat from the streets or something. She thought I was trying to cover for Moseby!"

"Why would you do that?" Cody asked, confused.

"I dunno!" Zack was thinking hard. "We _have _to go and see Moseby and tell him about Ilsa!"

"What can he do about it?" Cody pointed out. "He's suspended."

"He could tell the police!" Zack said wildly. "Look, Cody… he doesn't know that it's my fault. I have to tell him that, at least."

"Fine," Cody said, shrugging. "But I'm not coming with you so you can hide behind me and make me do all the talking. You're on your own."

* * *

><p>Zack almost lost his nerve when he arrived at Mr. Moseby's door. He didn't know where his apartment was and had to look in a big book in the manager's office, which had the names and addresses of all the employees. On the bus, he had rehearsed what he was going to say but now, his mind was a complete blank.<p>

_You can do this. _He knocked on the door, shakily.

"It's been thirty one minutes; that pizza is free!" he heard Moseby's voice call from the other side. The door opened and Zack saw that Mr. Moseby froze, mid-word.

"Oh; hello, Zack," he said, in a would-be cheery voice. It wasn't very convincing.

"Hey," Zack said.

The pair stood awkwardly, until Mr. Moseby invited him in.

The apartment was spotlessly clean and reminded Zack of the hotel lobby. Maybe it was because the floor and walls were the same colour. He told Mr. Moseby about his observation.

"There was a closing down sale," he said dismissively. "Now, what do you want? Make it quick," he added, glancing slightly to a largeish thing on his coffee table. It was covered in a sheet.

"OK." Zack collected himself and took a deep breath. "OK. Mr. Moseby… I'm sorry. The rat that ran through the lobby was mine; I'd brought it home from school for Science homework over the summer; it's an experiment. And… I thought I'd take it to the game and when we got back, it got out of my pocket. I didn't think it'd get you suspended."

Mr. Moseby raised an eyebrow and Zack reworded the sentence.

"I mean; I shouldn't have taken it with me. I'm sorry," he said again.

Mr. Moseby sighed too. "Well Zack, I appreciate you coming over and apologising to me; it takes real courage. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do."

"But… you have to come back!" Zack protested. "Ilsa… Ilsa's weird!"

"Well, of course she would probably run the hotel in a different way to me but you'll just have to get used to it. I'm sure they'll fire me…" his voice trailed off.

Zack pressed on impatiently. "No! I mean, she's nice to Maddie and me and Cody and Muriel and Patrick but she isn't nice to Esteban or Lance! She's racist!"

"Zack, that's a rather dire accusation to make. I'm sure that Maddie and Muriel and Patrick were all doing a good job when Ilsa talked to them; as for Esteban and Lance, maybe they were having off days."

"No!" _Why does he not fucking understand? _"No, it's not that at all! She made Esteban take his pin off; the one he got off his great-grandfather or whoever! She got a whole bunch of us into the girl's toilets and made us watch Lance clean them out with a _toothbrush_! She laughed as well, like it was funny!"

Zack was slightly out of breath. Mr. Moseby looked alarmed at his claims, which of course, were true.

"We need you back," Zack finished weakly.

"Zack, those are some serious claims you're making but there's nothing I can do. I lost my job – well, I'm as good as fired, anyway – and unfortunately, you're going to have to get used to Ilsa." He led Zack to the door and he left, hurt and angry and confused.

* * *

><p>"… And I apologised and everything but nothing's happened since. Everything's the same," Zack finished. It was half past nine and the only chance he'd had to speak to Carey about what had gone on that afternoon.<p>

Carey looked sympathetic but her words of advice weren't exactly helpful. "Life's a bitch; then you die," she said bitterly. "It was very good of you to apologise but that doesn't always fix everything."

"It used to," Zack said sadly.

"Welcome to the real world."

Zack wondered if he was becoming an adult now. It wasn't as cool and fun as it looked on TV.

"Don't lose any sleep over it, OK? Night night." Carey kissed him on his forehead. When she stood up and turned, Zack swiped at the place where she'd kissed him.

Carey turned off the lights and left the room. For a couple of minutes, there was silence, apart from Cody's steady breathing. Zack lay there, staring at the ceiling and trying to will himself to sleep. All he could think about was Mr. Moseby and Ilsa.

Perhaps he was making too big a deal out of this. Maybe Ilsa wasn't racist. OK, she had been short with Esteban and Lance and London – although Zack hadn't witnessed the latter two; he had heard about that through Maddie and Ilsa respectively – but she had been nice to everyone else, as far as he could tell._ And anyway, those three _do _slack off on their jobs. Well, London lives here; she doesn't work here but it's the same thing. _As for Maddie; Patrick; Muriel; Norman; Irene… Ilsa had been kind to them and they were hard workers.

_Maybe Mr. Moseby's right; we're all just used to him as manager and Ilsa just does things differently._

Zack didn't feel satisfied with that train of thought – there was something off about the whole thing – but he accepted it for now. He turned over in bed and heard squeaking.

He sat up. The sounds seemed to be coming from beneath him. He flung the covers around, looking on the bed and, when he couldn't see anything, looked under it.

He could just make out two pairs of beady eyes darting around. It was Bonnie and Clyde.

Zack clambered out of bed and reached to hold them. "Cody!" he hissed.

He straightened up. "Cody!" His twin stirred at the other end of the room and grunted in response.

"I found Bonnie and Clyde!"

"Wha…?"

"I found Bonnie and Clyde!" Zack whispered excitedly. "They were under my bed!"

"How did they get there?" Cody asked, more alert. "They were in the lobby before!"

"I dunno, maybe they crawled up the pipes or something?"

"Well, it's good that they've come back," Cody said. "'Cause I've just remembered about London's dog party. If they'd been on the loose then, Ilsa might've been fired or something."

"Yeah…" Zack said ponderingly. The outline of a plan had begun to form in his head, a plan that just might work if he pulled it off. He got back into bed vaguely, remembering before he snuggled down that he was still carrying the rats.

* * *

><p>Phase one of Zack's plan started the very next day. Cody had found the number of a local cat lovers' society on the Internet and was currently dialling the number on the payphone near the lobby.<p>

It connected. "Hello?" Cody said, deepening his voice. "Is this the cat lovers' society…? Great; this is, uh, _Mr. _Schmidt and I'm ringing to let you know that you have won a free weekend at the Tipton Hotel! … Uh, you were entered in a prize draw… Yeah, yes, that's right! Um, and cats are welcome to come along for the weekend, we'll have plenty of activities planned for them… the more, the merrier! We hope to see you this weekend!"

He hung up. Cody knew that this would definitely disrupt London's party and stress Ilsa out. Zack had gone along with it, despite thinking that maybe Ilsa wasn't as terrible as Cody made her out to be. Cody hadn't believed him when he said this and although Zack was adamant on his opinion, something still persisted in the back of his mind. He didn't pay too much attention to that, though.

Besides, if anything, the plan would be a lot of fun to carry out and certainly a better alternative than doing boring science homework.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Zack had set up shop in the basement. It wasn't an ideal space; it was dark, cold and smelly but in his mind, it was the perfect place to do some hacking.<p>

Cody, before he had run off to do his part of the plan, had successfully hacked into the hotel system for Zack. All the latter twin had to do was assign every guest in the hotel to a new room, with the exception of themselves, of course.

After a few tries, he managed to do it. He felt very proud of himself, so much so that he said: 'Look who's been assigned to a new room… everybody!"

He had thought, in his head, that he sounded like a suave superspy, like James Bond. In reality, he just sounded lame.

* * *

><p>Zack and Cody didn't have long to wait to see their plan unfold. Guests were livid that they were locked out of their rooms – their key cards wouldn't work anymore. Ilsa soon had a scrum at the front desk and, try as she might to fix the problem, she couldn't. The computer had mysteriously become infected with a virus – the work of Zack, with instructions from Cody – and it wiped the data.<p>

That weekend was no different. Ilsa and Esteban were trying hard to contain the frustrated guests, who'd had to pack and move to a different room. Unfortunately, as soon as they unpacked, they found that someone else had been assigned to their room and the whole process would begin again. Almost all of the guests had left and transferred to the St. Mark's Hotel over the road.

"Please, please!" Ilsa shouted over the noise. "I am trying to solve your problems but as you should know by now, we are having some technical difficulties…"

"Excuse me!" came a voice over the hubbub. "We're here for the free weekend? We're the cat lover's society, a Schmidt booked us the other day?"

Ilsa stared in disbelief and horror at the group of women – and one man – who were all carrying cat baskets. The cats in the baskets were mewing loudly at the noise, which only added to the din.

"Like, _what _is going on?" London had emerged from her party, which was being held in the lounge. She tugged the strap of her camisole up and looked around.

"Like, you're all being _totally _loud! You're ruining my – I mean, Ivana's – party!"

No one heard her. Maddie emerged too, looking at the scene. She was wearing a ridiculous dog costume and was having a horrible time. She was being laughed at by London's rich friends; she'd had several drinks thrown at her and a few of the dogs had peed on her. Maddie also smelt of dog crap.

"London! I've had _enough_. Can I take this off now?"

London wheeled around. "No you can't! Get back down there and entertain the dogs!" She shoved Maddie hard back in the direction of the party and the latte headed back reluctantly. She didn't want to face London's wrath.

* * *

><p>Now that phase one was in full swing, the twins moved onto phase two. They recruited a willing Esteban and a bored Muriel and headed to a corridor near the lobby.<p>

"Now, we're going to call Mr. Moseby and get him to come here," Cody said. "I'll need you two –" he indicated to Esteban and Muriel "– to add to the general chaos. There's a quite a lot going on in the lobby but we just need to convince him to come over. OK?"

They nodded. Cody handed the phone to Zack, who dialled Mr. Moseby's number.

Over at Moseby's apartment, the man in question was sitting at his computer. He had just seen some shocking information and, as a result, didn't register the phone ringing for a couple of seconds. He hurried over as soon as he heard it.

"Moseby residence,"

"It's Zack!" He sounded desperate.

"Are you OK?"

"N-No." At the other end of the line, Mr. Moseby could hear the faint sounds of complaining guests and… meowing?

"Zack…?" He almost dreaded to know what was going on.

"All the guests are leaving… something happened and everyone's been assigned to a different room! Cody thinks it might be a virus but we don't know how it got on there; Ilsa must have accidentally found one…"

Mr. Moseby frowned and glanced back at his computer. _Accidentally… while visiting a favourite site of hers, maybe? _Then he blinked in surprise.

"Wait… the _guests _are leaving?"

"Yeah, it's been going on for a few days. It's total chaos, Mr. Moseby!"

Zack was biting his lip to keep from laughing. He held the phone away and Cody quickly nodded to Esteban and Muriel.

"Hey!" Muriel shouted to no one in particular. "Put it in the trash, ya dirty bastard!"

Mr. Moseby was nonplussed at what he was hearing. "Can I talk to someone? Esteban, perhaps?"

"Oh, sure, he's just walked past," Zack lied easily. He held the phone away from him again, shouted for Esteban and handed the phone over to the bellhop.

"Hello? Oh no, I've just been cleaning out the toilets… that is my new job now… it isn't very pleasant."

On the other end, Mr. Moseby had reached a decision.

"I'm coming over, Esteban. It sounds awful there."

"Oh, it is," Esteban said. "Ilsa is running around all over the place; she doesn't know what to do. Oh and some cat people turned up and now the cats are chasing the dogs who are hear for London's party."

_Well, that explains the meowing_, Mr. Moseby thought. He assured Esteban he would be there straightaway and hung up. He didn't leave immediately though; he went back to his computer and printed out all the information he had found out. Picking up his phone again, he made another phone call.

* * *

><p>The final part of the plan was to ensure maximum chaos by the time Moseby arrived. Zack and Cody arrived in the lobby with the boxes, containing Bonnie and Clyde. Discreetly, they let them out behind a couch and it didn't take long before someone spotted them.<p>

Soon, the lobby was full of shrieking guests. To add to the mayhem, cats were sprinting through the lobby, being closely chased by some dogs from London's party. In turn, the dogs were being chased by their respective owners, who were tottering in heels and looking a little drunk.

Ilsa gave up trying to sort it all out and just stood there, open mouthed. Something flashed to one side of her; she looked up to see an aggressive looking reporter eyeing her, holding his camera aloft.

"Anything to say, Ms. _Schmidt_?" he hissed. Ilsa couldn't think for the life of why he was being so hostile.

Ms. Schmidt?" came yet another voice. Three men were walking calmly through the mess around them.

Ilsa recognised them at once. "You're from the Tipton review board," she said.

The first man nodded his head.

"Is it possible for you to come back another time?" She gestured around her. She had to raise her voice to be heard.

"No," the man said. He was blonde, with blue eyes.

The camera flashed again. Ilsa rounded on the photographer.

"_What _are you doing here?" She barked.

"They're with me," said a voice loudly. Mr. Moseby was standing right next to her, yet she hadn't noticed him. He looked solemn but horrified.

He got out a dog whistle, which he blew. It took a minute for the dogs to stop but they did. The cats slowed down when they realised they were being ignored and their owners quickly scooped them back up and into their baskets.

London rushed onto the scene, followed by Maddie, still in her silly dog suit and several party guests. The silence in the room sounded odd after the noise that had filled it for the last couple of days.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?" Mr. Moseby asked but he didn't need to. "Your complaints will be handled immediately. I understand that a lot of people have checked out; we can give the spare rooms to the cat lovers' society free of charge! The rest of you will be returned to your original rooms."

A few of the guests muttered in relief. Mr. Moseby took it upon himself to speak to a couple of foreign guests.

"Mr. Takamoto," he began, speaking to a Japanese man. "Sumimasen. Yuushoku watashi wa no ue ni aru." Translated, he was offering Takamoto-san his apologies and a free dinner, which he accepted, bowing.

Mr. Moseby then turned to another guest. "Et, pour Madame LeFevre… Un chamber gratuit?" He was offering her a free room and she, too, obliged.

"Esteban?"

The bellhop rushed to Mr. Moseby.

"Give all of our loyal guests a free gift basket for sticking out the chaos. Oh and some treats for our four legged friends!" He gave a rare smile which surprised Esteban for a second.

"I just have one last thing to say," Mr. Moseby concluded, turning serious again. "You may notice that I have brought along reporters; I feel that they should know something about Ilsa."

Everyone turned to look at her. She was slowly going pale, dreading what was about to be said next.

"I heard that Ilsa was being particularly unpleasant to some of the guests and employees of this hotel, but nice to others. That may sound trivial but it was _who _she was so nasty to that may come as a shock. Ilsa looked down upon ethnic minorities and favoured white people; in particular, white people with blonde hair and blue eyes."

Everyone gasped; the men from the Tipton review board even stepped back a little. Whispers broke out: _But… that makes her… _

"Yes," Mr. Moseby said, nodding seriously. "Ilsa is a Neo-Nazi. Now, I don't know your opinions on this –" he turned to the review board.

"Oh, of course she is relieved of her managerial duties. To have someone like… like Ilsa… it's despicable."

Many people nodded. Ilsa was looking at the floor; her face had gone bright red. The photographer – and the few more that had arrived with Mr. Moseby – was beside themselves and taking pictures.

This was it for Ilsa. She handed over her Tipton nametag; keys and pen and left the hotel in disgrace. Not only was she fired as a hotel inspector, she could also say goodbye to her weekly column in the Wall Street Journal. The news of Ilsa the Neo-Nazi would be a sensation in the broadsheets for a couple of days and a couple of weeks in the tabloids, as they dug into her personal life.

As Ilsa left, applause broke out and gradually, the Tipton Hotel returned to normal. Nearly all of the guests were talking about Ilsa and a few had got out their cell phones to tell their friends.

Mr. Moseby looked around the lobby and his eyes fell on Zack and Cody, lurking in a corner. They looked guilty and Moseby knew why.

He went over to them. "Did you orchestrate all of this?"

"It was Zack's idea," Cody said at once.

"I'm so, so sorry," Zack said.

Mr. Moseby looked stern again. "If you plan had failed, not only would you have destroyed the hotel, you may well have been thrown out; your mom would have lost her job… You do know all of that, right?"

They hadn't. They had come so close to losing another home; a home that made them feel welcome for the first time in their lives.

"I'm glad it didn't fail," Mr. Moseby said and the twins looked up in astonishment. "If it hadn't been for your plan, I wouldn't have got my job back. And, if it hadn't been for your bravery about coming over and apologising, Zack, I wouldn't have found out Ilsa's little secret."

Zack looked overwhelmed. "Th-Thank you," he stuttered finally.

"I helped with the destroying the hotel thing," Cody said. Mr. Moseby smiled at him.

"How did you find that out about Ilsa?" Zack asked.

"Well, I thought about what you said; how you accused her of racism and… well, I Googled her, for lack of a better term. It was hard to uncover but when I found it out, it became very easy to find other pieces of information. For example: her column in the Wall Street Journal was the most explicit clue. She would recommend hotels that were run by white people and give a bad review to those that weren't. I have no doubt that she would have given this establishment a poor review indeed."

"But this hotel is great!" Zack said, outraged.

"Thank you for saying so."

"Wait a minute… it makes sense now!" Cody exclaimed. "I mean, the way she fired you just for seeing the rat; a normal hotel inspector would have checked the kitchens first."

"I wasn't fired, Cody, only suspended," Mr. Moseby corrected him.

"Yeah, Maddie said something like that!" Zack remembered. "Something about a hygiene check…"

"Well, thank you, boys." Mr. Moseby almost reached out to hug them but stopped himself. He was still grateful for what they had done but really, he had been planning on coming over to the hotel today anyway, to break the news. They shouldn't have gone to all that trouble but then, they didn't know what he had been planning to do.

But there was no time to waste thinking of what could have been. There was so much to do to get the hotel back on track. The Tipton would be hosting a wedding soon and he still needed to organise everything for that. Most importantly, in his eyes, was to make sure Zack and Cody were nowhere near the wedding when it took place. _Who knows what might happen then?_


End file.
